The Bob Blog!

Go West Young Man

2010-11-05T18:09:00.001-07:00

Today we turned the beast west. Ended up in Baton Rouge. Learned not to go anywhere close to Louisiana when LSU is playing Alabama.

Bones and Me

2010-11-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Bones and me at the Magic Kingdom.

Sorcerer Bob

2010-11-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

The hat was too big but the shirt fit. Until it rained. Had a heck of a time getting it off. Can't...Breathe!!!

Who? What?

2010-11-03T12:19:00.001-07:00

So I found this phone box in England and was trying to figure out how to use it to get to the Ministry of Magic. After a while I decided it was really a tartis. That's when a Bobby came up and asked what I was doing. I told him I was looking for Dr. Who. He said what? I said no, Who. He asked what are you talking about? I said Who. He appeared to be getting frustrated and said you're outta here! I said what? He said that's what I asked. I said, no, who. He said ok wise guy who are you. I said yea, that's what I said!

Heard around the World!

2010-11-02T09:30:00.001-07:00

Parents explaining holidays to their children at DisneyWorld:
Thanksgiving is where we are thankful for all we have; Christmas is where we ask for more!

Update

2010-11-01T09:42:00.000-07:00

I found this really tall mountain with train rides to the top. If you know me you know I can never resist a train ride. It was so high I must have experiences altitude sickness because I was spilling my guts and my eyes felt like they were falling out of their sockets by the time I finished the expedition.

I Am One

2010-11-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

I have taken many a first step down many new roads with nothing...but...vision?!!

Lost

2010-10-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

I think we took a wrong tuen somewhere. Travelled two days. Tired. Not sure if the Garmin (that's Garmin, not Carmen, although I do catch myself telling it "yes, dear.") is working. Looking for a place to spend the night. Hey, this place looks interesting.

Headed Home

2010-10-30T16:56:00.001-07:00

The ocean to ocean journey has begun. So far I have crossed Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and we had to stop in Savannah, Georgia in time to watch the world series. Right now that may not have been a very good idea. The giants are down by three.

I'm what? Going the wrong way to go home? Oh, I'm taking the southern route!

Civil Battlegrounds of Fredericksburg, VA

2010-10-30T16:43:00.000-07:00

Huge retail malls skirt historic battlefields and some have even been built on the battlefields. Today there are fierce retail wars as retailers fight it out over your hard earned dollar!

On The Road Again

2010-10-30T03:47:00.001-07:00

It's too dark for pictures. But Henry is packed and ready to go. Next stop...Fredericksburg for breakfast.

Historic Mount Vernon

2010-10-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Did you know that George Washington evaded paying higher taxes by building his Mount Vernon home out of wood instead of brick and mortar to avoid paying a higher tax? He then had his carpenters carve grooves into the wood and then painted the wood with a paint and sand mixture so the exterior would look as though it was built of stone. This saved taxes since brick and stone houses were taxed at a higher rate than wood homes.

Pandas

2010-10-27T10:52:00.001-07:00

If you look closely you will see a Panda behind me. The last time I was at the zoo some 34 years ago our bus drove straight into the Panda Exhibit before the zoo opened for the day and all we saw were the pandas. Today it rained so hard about all we saw were the pandas. In fact it rained so hard the gift shops were selling those spray misters with dry air in the bottle so you could spray yourself with dry air to try and stay dry.

The National Zoo

2010-10-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

It's raining.

Flying

2010-10-27T05:30:00.000-07:00

The mighty Mississippi! It was a very nice flight with picture perfect landing at Dulles. It gets dark early here, and light late. It is raining today so have to decide what to do. It is 8:30 here but still 5:30 my time. And I have been up already for two hours. Maybe I'll go back to bed.

LAX

2010-10-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

As the good captain said: The good news is we got in 20 minutes early. The bad news is we have to wait 20 minutes for the gate to open up. Then it is a half mile walk and two hour layover.

Full Body Scan

2010-10-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

I don't know what all the fuss about a full body scan at the airport is all about. I mean, I don't have to look at it. I feel sorry for the poor TSA guy that has to look at it...first thing in the morning...there goes breakfast!

Welcome to FAT

2010-10-26T05:53:00.001-07:00

The locals call it FYI or Fresno Yosemite international airport. But it is officially called Fresno Air Terminal. If you lived in Fresno, what would you call it?

They have made the lobby look like Sequoia National Park so you feel like you are in the mountains and in the woods. They say first impressions are most important. I guess they are hoping this is what you remember of Fresno since it is the first and last thing you see.

Packing

2010-10-26T05:47:00.001-07:00

The first challenge is getting three weeks of clothes and supplies into a carry-on bag. I don't want to spend time doing laundry on the road and I don't want to pay $25 to check my bag.

Behind the Scenes

2010-10-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

Postcards From My Cell Phone

Have you ever tried taking self portrait pictures with an i-phone. It's not easy. At least with the 3GS. It is easier with the newer versions but I don't have the newer version. Besides, I like a challenge.

Anyway, you can't see what you are doing. You basically stretch out your arm with the cell phone as far as you can reach and then try to guesstimate your framing since you can't see the picture. As you have been able to see, it is not an exact science. But it's what I go through in order to bring you interesting facts about interesting places. Check out the behind the scenes photos from the Washington DC trip.

Be sure to follow me on my next trip as I attempt to produce new Postcards from my cell phone live! Starting Tuesday only on the Bob Blog!

A Test

2010-10-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

This Is A Test...

2010-10-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

This is a test. This is nothing but a test. If this had been a real emergency you would have been given instructions on where to tune for further information. (This announcement excludes any worms)

Postcards From My Cell Phone

2010-10-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

The Return of the Mysterious Stranger

National Gallery of Art

June 2010

There is a story that is passed down from one generation of guards to the next generation of guards at the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC. The tale talks of a stranger that paid a visit on a cold winter's night in February of 1976 at the beginning of the nations 200th celebration. It was a quiet Sunday night and a light snow was falling. A string quartet was playing festive, but mellow music in the rotunda, a feature of the bicentennial. Normally the museum is closed at this time of night. But not tonight. And because of the snow, most people stayed home to stay warm by the fires in the comfort of their homes rather than brave the cold to spend the evening in an old stone rotunda to enjoy the arts of the masters and the sounds of the orchestra. It was going to be a long night.

But then the stranger came. A dapper young man decked out in all the fineries of the land. Long coat tails, top hat, white gloves and a cane. And he was accompanied by no less than a dozen people that followed him everywhere and did his bidding. The guards were used to seeing strange things, but as the stranger went from gallery to gallery reverencing the masters, the guards felt this was a scene right out of a rogues gallery. Especially on a night like tonight. And it proved to be to much...

Laughter began to ring out through the stone halls. Belly laughs, and raucous laughs. Soon the laughter drowned out the orchestra. No-one could believe that this stranger had come tonight of all nights. Finally, a guard approached one of the followers wanting to meet this stranger. They met. It was the highlight of the evening. Soon, every guard wanted to meet the stranger. The orchestra gave up and packed their instruments to go home. The museum was closed. The next hour was spent with each guard getting his or her picture next to the stranger. The guards reported it was the highlight not only of the evening, but for their now storied careers.

Some 34 years later the stranger returned. It was in the heat of the day on a June afternoon. But the stranger appeared as just another arts patron. The guards never knew. But if you ask about the stranger...It's amazing what 34 years can do to a story!

Rules for Shopping

2010-10-23T09:15:00.001-07:00

Here are the rules for shopping at the nursery.

Postcards From My Cell Phone

2010-10-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Me shopping at a nursery in Virginia

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-06-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Washington D.C.
The Lincoln Memorial

The Lincoln Memorial is perhaps one of the greatest monuments that you can visit in Washington D.C. Built after the ancient Greek temples, the memorial commands respect and reverence as you approach and enter the building. Abraham Lincoln sits in the middle of the center chamber and the sitting figure towers above you at 19 feet so if he were standing he would reach a height of 28 feet. The statue is so lifelike that even though it is chiseled out of stone it is as if the figure itself could stand up and walk out if it so desired. Opened 24 hours a day, this is one monument that shouldn't be missed.

Chef's Corner

2010-06-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: Another new feature we will be adding in addition to Ice Cream will be a column featuring healthy stuff where we will share new and exciting main dish ideas with you. Of course healthy is in the stomach of the beholder!

Crab Louis Pasta Salad

This week we are taking a look at a new invention of an old favorite: Crab Louis. This recipe was a surprise mostly because of the dressing, which by the way could be used on more than just a crab louis salad. But this dressing dresses out a crab louis perfectly. When you see the ingredients for the first time you will probably think what I did: this makes a good dressing? But it does. Just give it a try for yourself and see.

Crab Louis Pasta Salad
Pick a pasta and prepare as usual
1/2 lb crab meat or artificial crab
15-25 cooked and tailed shrimp (adjust to taste)
Cherry tomatoes halved
Green onion chopped
Sliced olives
Combine all ingredients in a large bowl

Dressing:
2/3 cups mayonnaise
1/3 cup hot chile sauce
2 Tablespoons sweet relish
Mix ingredients together to make a dressing. Add to pasta mix, mix well, serve, enjoy.

Ice Cream Flavor of the Month

2010-06-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

ICE CREAM FLAVOR OF THE MONTH

One of the most popular features of the blog back when I was good at keeping the blog up was the Ice Cream Flavor of the month where I experimented and presented to you a new ice cream flavor that you could make yourself every month. Well, in my attempts to revitalize my blog, and just from the fact that I love ice cream, and especially the ice cream I make (There is none finer. Don't believe me, come by and we'll have an ice cream making party!), and of course it's summertime; I decided to dig out my ice cream maker and give it a whirl.

So far I have based all my innovations on one base ice cream flavor: Sweet Cream. It is a knock off of Cold Stone Creamery's Sweet Cream ice cream, but it is my own perfected recipe. This is probably the best ice cream you could ever taste. But for those of you who want more variety in life, or more excitement, or more anything. For all of my recipes I use a Cuisinart Ice Cream maker. This is the type where you put the container in the freezer for at least 24 hours before you make the ice cream.

SWEET CREAM ICE CREAM

1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 cups heavy cream
Mix together until sugar is completely dissolved. Pour into ice cream maker and churn for 30 minutes. For best results, use the best ingredients available. When ice cream is done, pour into a freezer container and cure for 8 to 24 hours depending on personal preference as to how hard you want your ice cream.

This month's flavor is Banana Cream Pie Ice Cream. I came about it when I discovered we had some bananas starting to rot in the kitchen and was trying to figure out what to do with them. They were too ripe to eat, it was too hot to bake banana bread, so what's left? Ice Cream!!!!

BANANA CREAM PIE ICE CREAM
Smoosh together 2 medium sized very ripe bananas until it forms a very thick paste, much like you would prepare bananas for banana bread.
add to Sweet Cream recipe.
Churn for 30 minutes. During the last 5 minutes of churning, crumple 1/2 graham cracker pie crust into ice cream.

Results:

This turned out to be one of the best ice cream experiments yet! It had just the right amount of banana flavor, it set up just right so it was crumbly and flaky right out of the freezer. Mmmm this is what I call dinner, and lunch, and breakfast!

Mr. Bob Goes To Washington

2010-06-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

This week starts my Washington D.C. series of post cards. Come join me as I travel through Washington D.C. and the adjoining areas and share my trip with me.

We drove there over four days...and lived to tell about it. Surprisingly we didn't get too much on each other's nerves and didn't kill each other. After four days of travel we immediately set out to see Washington D.C. since neither one of us had really been there before. Well, I actually was there 35 years ago but it was like I was never there before. So come along with me and enjoy the post cards!

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-06-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome From Washington D.C.! The Washington Monument

The Washington monument is a monumental structure in the heart of the National Mall in Washington D.C. It stands 555 feet, 5 1/8 inches tall (Who measures that precisely?) and was the tallest structure in the world until the Eiffel Tower was completed in Paris. It took 30 years to build not because of its size, but because of budget and funding problems and then there was the little matter of the American Civil War. It officially opened to the public in 1888. To this day it remains the tallest stone obelisk structure in the world. We didn't get to go in. If you want to go in you have to get there at about 6am and stand in line to get tickets for later that day. No-one wanted to get up that early to stand in line to go up to the top to fight with hundreds of others to look out of the tiny windows. It was a beautiful day and we did lots of walking until our legs gave out. Be sure to stay tuned for more post cards from Washington DC.Everyone just has to get in the act. Wait a minute...This person looks familiar. It's my wife, Carmen! She obviously doesn't appreciate my art.As you can clearly see, I am still having trouble taking pictures with an i-phone. It is not the easiest thing to do. I am looking forward to the next generation when they will have two camera!

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-05-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome From Simi Valley, CA!

This week we dig into our archives of unused Post Cards! This time from the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, CA. I don't care what your political preference is, if you like history like I do, a presidential library is a treasure trove just waiting to be found! On my visit, about a year ago, I toured rooms and rooms of history dealing with presidential history. Of great interest was a walk through the old Air Force 1 with displays on how presidents used this unique airplane, and of greatest interest was the Magna Carta: The REAL Magna Carta! At first I thought it was a replica, but the armed guards and the inches thick bullet proof glass convinced me otherwise. You never know what treasure you might turn up in a presidential library!

The Reagan Library has breath taking views of the valley below it. I also took a picture of me at the Reagan grave site. I listened in to a tour of high schoolers and learned that a stairway to the crypt is under these large concrete slabs that look like, and actually are a part of the walkway. The stairs go down to large metal doors that in turn open up into the crypt. I wonder if there is a light switch down there?

Adventures With Norman

2010-05-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

Norman's Cousin At The Zoo

While at the Zoo we got to visit with a couple of Norman's cousins. There were two African Spur Tortoises there. One was about Norman's size and the other was about twice his size. GrandX wasn't interested in visiting very long. He told me: Grandbob, we don't need to go to the zoo to see Norman! He wanted to see the elephants. Grandbob doesn't have elephants in his backyard.

The middle picture is of Norman's cousin at the zoo. The other two pictures are of Norman last summer.

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-05-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Greetings From Fresno, CA

Chaffee Zoo

The grandX just celebrated his third birthday and he wanted nothing more than to go to the zoo to see the elephants! (I tried to get him to go to Disneyland, but Dad vetoed it.) Since Fresno is the city closest to us with a zoo, that's where we went: The Chaffee Zoo.
I had never been there before but was pleasantly surprised at how nice of a little zoo they have. They had a wide variety of animals in nice enclosures, but most importantly, lots of shade. We saw elephants, tigers, bears, but no lions; unless of course you want to count sea lions. Everyone had fun. I tried taking a trademark self portrait while holding the GrandTobster but almost dropped him into the elephant enclosure. After that Grandmama had to hold him for me.

This is the only picture I got of the GrandX. Looks like he is going to be a plumber when he grows up!

Bathroom Update

2010-04-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

ALMOST THERE!!!

Well, we are almost done with the bathroom. In some places it looks done. And others, well, it's almost done. The problem is...it will probably take another two years to finish it! So what is not done? Well, the obvious: there is no vanity so no sink; there is no wardrobe; there is no shower curtain, so what good is a two headed shower if you don't have a curtain, of course the floor is all tile so it could get wet; and there are no towel racks, but if you don't have a curtain and can't use the shower you don't need the towel rack; and then one last minor detail: no toilet paper holder!

Bathroom Update

2010-04-18T17:08:00.000-07:00

We Have Tile!

After another week of renovations in the bathroom we finally have tile laid! It seems it has been forever since this renovation began, and it has if you go way back to when I was doing the demolition! (see earlier blogs like a long time ago.) Last week our contractor told us it would be completed on Friday. But as you can plainly see, he isn't. In fact, I would be surprised if it were finished this week. I'm not sure if it will ever be finished. But it is looking great. And even when the contractor is done, the bathroom still won't be done because we ran out of money and won't have the vanity in until later.

Dear Bob:

2010-04-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

Discovering Your Geekiness
or Nerdiness, or Dorkiness, or Dweebness

Dear Bob,
I am having trouble discovering who I really am. Lately, many people have taken to calling me a dork. I am not really sure what a dork really is. I have always seen myself as a nerd; possibly a geek, but not a dork. Now I am not sure what I really am. What is the difference anyway. Confused Dork, or is it Geek, or Nerd. I don't know. Dear Confused, Just recently I have stumbled across the answer to your dilemma. It is all right here in this chart. As you can see it really depends on where you fall in the overlap of the three circles: Intelligence, Obsession, or Social Ineptitude. All you have to do is determine where your greater characteristic is and then your minor characteristics. Then chart it to the circles and look for your overlap. For example: If your major characteristic is social ineptitude, and you think you've go some intelligence and very little obsession, then you would actually be a Dweeb and not a nerd, geek or dork. Whereas if you thought you were really about the same in everything, then you would be a nerd. Go ahead and chart yourself. There is nothing more empowering than self awareness.

Do you need help from Bob? Send in your questions to the Bob Blog and someday Bob just might get around to answering them. The answers supplied for Bob are not necessarily the opinions of this blog and are meant for meaningful self-help assistance. For advice, e-mail Bob at dearbob@boboston.com.

The Eightythird Post

2010-04-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

Juice Rules and Getting To The Root Of Things

After spending so many months away from home there are still a few things that I am getting used to now that I am back and living with others. One of those things are the "rules" of how things are done. One of those things is Juice and the rules that go along with juice.

Now you probably didn't know juice had rules; but it does. At least in this household. I discovered this yesterday when I poured myself a glass of apple juice and not lemonade. You see, I didn't pick out the apple juice. I picked out the lemonade. The Juice Rule goes something like this: He/She who picks the juice drinks the juice. Do NOT drink a juice that you did not pick out. That is the Juice Rule. Whoever knew?

I finally made it to the dentist. My tooth started hurting me clear back in February, but it would come and go and I didn't think too much about it. It wasn't until our trip to Provo this last week that it started hurting and wouldn't go away. This morning it hurt so bad I could hardly see straight, talk, or do anything.

I saw the dentist at 1pm and after x-rays and probing which would send me through the roof, he finally declared to me that I had a tooth problem and needed a root canal. He called it an emergency root canal so he could get started on it right away. The worst part of the canal was getting it diagnosed. Once he deadened it I didn't feel a thing. Didn't feel a thing until just a little bit ago. But then he gave me these little pills that he told me would make all my problems go away, at least for a little while.

Good Night.

Bathroom Update

2010-04-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

The Latest From The Bathroom

It has been about two weeks since I last took pictures of the remodel project. Last week we were out of town so the contractors really went full steam ahead in making progress. It could have been done by now, but like any project there is always some little thing that will get in the way to slow things down. Our little problem just happened to be TERMITES!!!
Now when we moved in we knew there had been a termite problem. It had to be manifested when we bought the house. But what we didn't know was to what extent the problem was. Fortunately, it appears all the little critters are dead. But their damage was still quite evident once the drywall came down. There was a lot of termite debris (droppings, or whatever it is that termites leave behind.) and damaged two by fours in the framing. Some were so bad they had to be replaced. In fact, the contractors had to virtually reconstruct a couple of the bathroom walls. That put everything behind schedule a few days.

But despite the setback, when we got home and walked into the bathroom, despite it's unfinished status, it looked and felt like a brand new room in a brand new house. It looked, and felt wonderful. We can't wait until it's done. I never could understand how someone could be so excited about a bathroom. But now I know. Today we got paint. Tomorrow the tile starts to go in. I think. But we will see.

Baseball Season Underway!

2010-04-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

Boston Defeats Yankees in Opener!

It's baseball season once again! And to kick it off right, the Boston Red Sox defeated arch rival New York Yankees 9-7 in baseball's opener. I don't know why but I have always loved baseball. I hope to take in a few games this year. Living in Visalia, California, I have access to a number of teams. To the south there are the LA Dodgers and LA Angels of Anaheim. To the north are the SF Giants and Oakland A's (Are the A's really a baseball team?). And then right here in Visalia we have the single A Rawhides farming for Phoenix; in Fresno we have the Grizzlies, farming for the Giants; and then while I'm in Stockton in July I can visit the Stockton Ports, single A farming for someone. I will have to find out.

Baseball is underway! I am excited!

The Eightieth Post

2010-04-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

Musings, Travels and Toothaches

Well I am finally starting to get back into the blog of things. Eventually the Bob Blog will get back to it's generally interesting and witty postings. It took me two years to get to the eightieth posting; mostly because I didn't post much over the last year and a half. Between my SEIS consulting job, Disney, and of course commuting, it didn't leave much time to do much else. It did, but I spent much of my downtime sleeping trying to get rested for the next gig. Disney was fun, but it was hard physical work. Then when you put it on top of SEIS, and then travel; it was just downright tiring. There were times I would go three to four weeks without ever seeing home. I knew it was time to cut down when Nushka Dog attacked me when I got in late one night.

Disney was fun. It was the funnest thing I have ever done when it comes to work. What more can you say when you get to go to the "Happiest Place on Earth" everyday and ride the train or give excursions on the World Famous Jungle Cruise. I miss it a lot. But as I said in my resignation letter, for all things there is a time and a season. I had my time fulfilling a life's dream working as an archeologist with Indiana Jones in the Temple of the Forbidden Eye; and I was a conductor on the Disneyland Railroad; and a jungle guide on the Jungle Rivers of the World. What more can one ask? But now it is time once again to be a guest and to experience Disneyland as Walt Disney originally intended. Only now I need to find someone to get me in or pony up the money for a pass.

So what has life brought me in the two months I have been gone? Well, things have not slowed down. I don't even think I have traveled less. Just differently. Since I left SEIS has picked up and I have a number of days lined up through August. Right after I left Disney I spent three weeks in the SF east bay; traveled to Provo, Utah; worked a couple days in the LA area and traveled to Provo, UT. I have another two days scheduled this month in Redding, California, and another trip to Provo, UT. And more to come. And best yet; I got a raise on my daily fee! With a promise of even more days to come this summer and fall. I have already taken home more money in the last two months than I ever hoped to bring home in the entire 18 months at Disney. Plus I have a lot of down time. Which is important for health right now as well.

Speaking of health. I seem to be doing fairly well, other than a toothache. Two years ago, my assistant, kind as she is, bought me a bean burrito. And it broke my tooth. I have never broken a tooth before. And it was on a bean burrito! I got it capped, but lately it has been hurting so bad I had to make an appointment with the dentist tomorrow. We will see how it goes.

So what are the plans for the future? Riverside in June. Virginia in the middle of June. Yes, watch out for the Post Cards. I should get some nice ones. Stockton for three weeks in July. And back to Riverside in August. So stay tuned. There is more to come!

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-04-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

Greetings From Salt Lake City, UT!

This last week found me in Salt Lake City, Utah. I spent spring break in the Salt Lake City and Provo area visiting my old stomping grounds of BYU. Things have changed a lot since I was there way back in the early '80's. One thing sure hasn't changed, though: Spring! As you can see it was snowing. It was snowing a lot! I had a hard time walking across Temple Square because the side walks were so slippery. It was also so cold most people were hustling and bustling to get inside and stay inside. And then there was me. Trying to take a picture with my i-phone. I am still trying to get the hand of it. The hardest part is trying to figure out where the shutter button is on a piece of glass that is facing away from you. Half the time I end up taking pictures before I'm ready because my fingers slide over the virtual button. If you have an i-phone, you probably understand what I am talking about. The hardest thing is people watching me from inside the warm building trying to take a picture of myself as I get covered with snow. Finally, someone feels sorry for me and scurries outside to help me take a picture. But then I have to explain, since it is for my Post Card entry, it has to be a self portrait. Nothing else works. Then they shake their head and scurry back into the warmth as I continue to struggle with my picture.
Salt Lake City was founded in 1847 as Great Salt Lake City. It was settled by Mormon pioneers led by Brigham Young. The Salt Lake Temple is probably the best known of the Mormon temples. It was started shortly after the arrival of the pioneers and completed some 40 years later, though some of those years construction was dormant and they had to rebuild the entire foundation. It is built from quartz monzanite which most people take for granite. (That's a little Jungle Cruise humor there.) But it's not. It just looks like granite.

Temple Square has a lot to do. I spent time taking tours, listening to an organ recital, and visiting some of the history museums and learning how people lived once they first arrived in the valley. It was a very interesting trip to Salt Lake City, Utah.

Hey look! Mormons do have horns!

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-03-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

Greetings From The Old North Church in Boston!

Or is it?

This past week I was on the road again and went to a place I had planned to go for a long time. I went to visit the Old North Church in Boston. This is the church made famous by Paul Revere. One if by land, Two if by sea. That church. The only problem was, I didn't go to Boston. But no fear. There is another Old North Church that is an exact replica of the one in Boston. It is located, of all places, in the Forest Lawn Memorial Park-Hollywood Hills. That's right. It is in the cemetery of the stars!

The church is located in a section devoted to freedom. They call it the Freedom Trail. Not only do they have the church there, but statues of George Washington and the other founding fathers, a freedom museum with a replica of the liberty bell, and the world's larges mosaic mural depicting the American Revolution. While I was there they were having a military funeral across the street complete with a 21 gun salute. It was a very fitting moment for my visit.

Addendum

2010-03-22T20:58:00.001-07:00

The Bathtub

I just noticed the bathtub didn't make it to the last post. I had it in there. I had it in there many times. But this format that I post with hasn't been very media friendly when it comes to posting multiple pictures for the same post.
The Bathtub

Post Cards From My... Bathroom???

2010-03-22T17:06:00.001-07:00

Under Construction

We have been working on remodeling our bathroom lately. This has been an ongoing job for the last two years since we had the great water heater flood. If you follow the blog you may remember seeing pictures of me demolishing it. Well, due to health reasons, Disneyland, and a whole host of other problems, we finally hired someone to come in and finish it. OK. I got it to the point that only professional help was seriously needed. Here are some pictures of the bathroom under construction. Make sure your hardhats are on.
This is looking in the door at the bathroom. Notice there is no more vanity. No more sink. No more storage cabinet. Even though it is nothing but bare walls and concrete floor, it looks a whole lot
better.

No Toilet.

The bathtub. It is new. It is bright. It is deep. Right now it has a plywood top and blue tarp cover so it doesn't get damaged. It will be very nice and comfortable when the bathroom is done.

This bathtub has two shower heads. Now you might wonder why it has two shower heads. I've been told that some people like to shower facing the front. Others like to shower facing the back. And some just can't make up their minds. This solves the dilemma.
The light that goes above the bathtub.
Why the light that goes above the bathtub is on the bathtub.
New lights in the vanity area.

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-03-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS FROM SACRAMENTO, CA

Two weeks ago I attended a conference in Sacramento, CA. I have been to Sacramento several times but never to the capital building. I'm not even sure if I had even been by it before. My hotel room was just a couple block away so I thought I would arrive early and take a walk over and tour the building.

It was getting kind of late so I hurried on over and entered the building, emptying my pockets at the security check and then making my way to the center of the building where the tours start. But as my luck would have it I got there exactly one minute after the last tour had departed; so I was on my own.
The ground floor of the original building houses the original governor's. treasurer's and state's offices furnished as they were over a century ago. Making my way to the third floor I found the galleys to the Assembly and Senate chambers. Since it was a Friday afternoon, of course there was not a thing happening when I was there.

When I left the building I decided to take pictures for my post cards. Now I have a fairly new i-phone and haven't taken too many pictures with it yet. I found this to be a challenge, since my pictures are self portraits, and unlike my other phones where you could kind of see what you were doing, taking a picture with the i-phone was done completely blind. It took several takes to even get a part of me in the pictures. I am sure that onlookers may have thought it a strange sight with this lone guy taking pictures of himself in front of the capital building. But it didn't bother me any, after all, this is California; and I was at the Capital.

As I was finishing up my pictures I heard someone shouting at me: "Bob, Bob!" I looked up and didn't see anyone I knew. I just saw this man and lady yelling and waving at me to come over. I had no idea who they were. I cautiously walked over to them, this is California you know, and when I got to them they asked me to take their picture for them. Since I worked at Disneyland, this was not any unusual request so I agreed and as I was setting up the shot I glanced down to my chest to see if I was wearing my Disneyland name tag. I wasn't. Turns out he was in one of my workshops a year ago and was there for the same conference I was attending. I have hundreds of people in my workshops from all over the state. I guess I don't remember every single one of them. When I finished with them, they thanked me and went on their way. As I turned to go the other way, another gentleman asked me to take a picture of him and his family. I did. When I was done, there was a line of people holding out their camera's waiting their turn for me to take their picture. I was there until it was too dark to take any more pictures.

The Adventures of Pyra Katt

2010-03-18T21:06:00.000-07:00

What Is Wrong With This Cat?

Pyra Katt has started a new behavior. Yesterday she started chasing her tail. Now I have seen kitties chase their tails before but never with so much passion as Pyra. She only does it when I am eating at the table. I have not seen her do it any other time. What is really funny is she will chase her tail so much that she gets dizzy and can't walk without falling over.

She has had a ravenous appetite as of lately as well. She is constantly begging for food. But she has been getting fat lately so I have cut her back. I have divided her food out over four meals and give her a portion every four hours. But she doesn't like this. She thinks I am starving her. And apparently this new behavior proves that I am depriving her of her precious nutritional needs. It has obviously deprived her of her mental prowess and health. The vet calls it Krazy Katt Syndrome.

Post Cards From My Cell Phone

2010-03-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

Catching Up

I know it's been a while since I posted regularly, but I hope to change that now that I have more time. One of my favorite columns was my Post Cards From My Cell Phone feature. This is where I snapped self portraits of me somewhere in the world and writing some fascinating fact(s) about that place. Even though I hadn't been posting, I created a few postcards to use but never got around to using them. So over the next few weeks I am planning to catch the reader up with this backlog of postcards. Please stay tuned. I have some fascinating places to visit over the next couple months. Hold on to your hats now. And make sure those seatbelts are fastened. Oh yea, and keep you arms hands feet and legs inside the vehicle and remain seated until we have come to a full and complete stop inside the station....

The Early Bird Gets the Worm!

2010-03-17T15:41:00.001-07:00

Editor's Note: The videos contained in this posting are for mature audiences only. They are very graphic in nature and are not intended for young viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

In Celebration of Spring, Bearded Dragons Makki and Gyis have awakened from their deep winter slumber and have begun life for 2010 in earnest. For those of you that may not know much about dragons, they brumate, over the winter. Brumation is kind of like hibernation, but it's different. They just kind of shut down when it's cold and start going when it warms up. During this period they don't eat or drink. But if you shine a light on them to see if they are awake, they give you a look that could kill.

To get an early start on spring, which starts later this week, Makki and Gyis got their first order of worms today. I tried shooting video of the event. But as you can see, Makki saw the camera and was at first camera shy. I tried dangling a worm in front of her, but all she saw was the camera. She didn't do anything until I dumped all twenty worms in front of her, and then she couldn't resist.

Gyis on the other hand wasn't camera shy at all. In fact, he was nothing but a ham hamming it up. Here you can watch him grab a worm and then look directly at the camera as he deliberately chews each bite and chomps down each individual worm.

Life After Disneyland

2010-01-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

Life After Disneyland

I am no longer a Disneyland Cast member. Friday was my last day. It was very bittersweet. I will miss being there on a daily basis, I will miss everyone I worked with. But I won't miss the commute and the away time it cost me. A lot of people asked me what it was like on my last day. The only way I could sum it up really was: It was like reading a good book. When you get to the end you want to read more, but there is no more to read. That sums up the whole Disney Experience. They did tell me I could go back whenever I wanted (for the mere sum of $75/day or whatever the going daily rate is at the gate.).

Meanwhile, my first day has been busy. Grand X and Cheese Boy (Toby Jack, sounds like Colby Jack, thus Cheese Boy) came to visit. We had fun watching Daddy's new BIG TV (we did put movies on it, we didn't just watch the TV.); used the bubble gun to blow and chase bubbles; wrestled; had good food; and played with the dog and cat. It was a fun weekend.

Speaking of fun and cat, I got to take Pyra in to get fixed and de-clawed today. She comes home Wednesday. Stay tuned for videos of her learning that she no longer has claws. Should be entertaining when she tries to climb up the reptile cage.

TWO WEEKS AND COUNTING

2010-01-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

I officially gave my two weeks at Disneyland yesterday. My last day will be end of shift Friday January 22, 2010. This was not an easy decision to come to since I really love what I was doing. Especially working in the Jungle as well as the trains. Last night was my official last night doing the jungle cruise.

As much as I loved working as Disneyland, the bottom line was that the commute was killing me. That, coupled with the fact that is was getting more and more evident that I would not be able to progress through the ranks in a timely fashion no longer made the sacrifices worth it. I will miss all the friends that I made as well as the guests and visitors from around the world. It was truly an awesome experience.

My last few days will be: Today on the Railroad from 4:30pm to 8:30pm; Thursday at Indiana Jones 10:30am to 5pm; Monday, Jan 18 Railroad 4:30pm to 8:30pm; Thursday and Friday at Indiana Jones, times to be announced. Itis only fitting that I end at Indiana Jones since that is where I started.

Thanks Mickey! It was a wonderful, yet challenging run. I would do it again if I ever have the chance.

STAY TUNED FOR SHOCKING BIGGGG ANNOUNCEMENT

2010-01-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

Since no-one comes this way any more, and why should they, since the blog is rarely updated anymore, I feel safe to make this announcement of my SHOCKING BIGGGG ANNOUNCEMENT.

The news will break Wednesday, January 13! Tune in for this life shattering experience!

!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

2009-10-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's official! I am now a certified Jungle cruise skipper. Look for me at the World Famous Jungle Cruise! Check my schedule on the sidebar for upcoming jungle shifts.

CRUISIN' THE JUNGLE

2009-10-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

For the last several days I have been training in the jungles of the world to take over as a skipper on the World Famous Jungle Cruise. It has been very interesting. The first day we got to walk behind the jungle. Yesterday, I got to drive my first boat and practice my spiel. Someone needs to come down and take my picture driving the boat because I can't do it while I'm working. They kind a frown on it.

Part of working in the jungle is working in the Tiki Room. You wouldn't think so, but that has been fun as well. The only problem is Jose, the lead bird. He jokes around a lot when you go to wake him up. Sometimes he wakes up too early, and sometimes he doesn't wake up at all and pretends to be asleep. Evil bird. Yesterday, with guests right below him he decided...well, you can get the picture. It was a mess to clean up.

WELCOME TO THE BOB BLOG!

2009-09-30T20:32:00.001-07:00

All Aboard! It is October 1st and it's time for the new Bob Blog! Welcome. I hope this new format will be more successful than the last one. I will try to update each feature, once I identify them as to what they will be, at least once a month. In addition I will be adding semi-daily journals, commentaries, and what-nots, whatever they are on a regular basis. I do know I intend to continue the Postcards From My Cell Phone feature, Adventures of Nukes Nukems, Dragon Tales Featuring Geiss and Makki, and Norman the Tortoise. If I ever find the manuscript I may continue the tale of Misery Loves Company; An Autobiography of a Love Life that Never Was; OR How to Fail at Loving in One Easy Step: Making the Attempt. I am also trying to post from my cell phone so when I see something interesting, or just feel inspired, I can post from wherever I am. I will also do some experimenting with video from my cell phone. And don't forget: On the Bob Blog you can get tickets to Disneyland. Just see the sidebar for more information. But most of all, I hope to have fun. And I hope you will have fun reading and participating in the Bob Blog!

Meet Pyra Putty Pat

2009-09-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Or is it putty tat? Or Puddy Tat? Or poody tat? I don't know. I am testing posting directly from my phone. This will help in up to the minute postings of exciting new things once the BobBlog debuts October 1.

TARGET LAUNCH DATE:

OCTOBER 1, 2009

BE THERE!

A NEW NAME; A NEW BLOG; SAME OL' BOB

2009-09-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

ALL ABOARD for an all new look from the old blog! I looked long and hard at the last blog and why it failed. The problem was I was working too hard to keep too many things and features going. Gone are the ads; I never got paid anyway; and here are simple features that I hope many will find interesting. Here to stay are Post Cards From My Cell Phone, an interesting feature that will share some interesting points of interest. I will share current event happenings from my life, as well as share my unique view commentaries on selected current events. Eventually, if I ever find the rest of the manuscript, I hope to continue to post the rest of Misery Loves Company: An Autobiography of a Love Life that Never Was: or: How to Succeed in Finding Love in One Easy Step: By Making the Attempt. You will also be able to follow the adventures of all your favorite Characters: Norman the Tortoise, Makk and Geiss, Nush Nukems, and the all new adventures of Pyra Putty Pat!

And something no other blog has ever offered: Free tickets to Disneyland. Yes that's right. By just being a reader of the Bob Blog, you can get yourself and up to two others into the Happiest Place on Earth. Just see the side bar for more information.

Stay tuned. The New and Improved Bob Blog will be with you soon!

TARGET LAUNCH DATE:

OCTOBER 1, 2009

BE THERE!

2009-09-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

A WHOLE NEW BLOG COMING YOUR WAY

That's right! A whole new blog coming your way. I am attempting to come up with monthly features and articles that will make you want to come back time after time after time. Look for lots of fun coming your way. You will notice a brand new look with no ads. Check back soon to see what I am cooking up.

TARGET LAUNCH DATE:

OCTOBER 1, 2009

BE THERE!

In Memorium

2009-02-03T11:31:00.001-08:00

Katze Kitty
1994-2009

Her royal highness, her majesty, Queen Katze Kitty (Katze, German for kitty so her name was kitty kitty) passed away quietly Sunday, February 1, 2009 after a long bout with diabetes. As the first of the childhood pets, she ends an era in our household and has literally etched memories in all of our lives and skin forever.

She came to live with us shortly after we purchased our first home. We had mice at the time. Holdovers from our apartment where we couldn't have pets, but were allowed mice (perhaps only because they were small and never went out so management never really knew they were there). As a kitten, she quickly made friends with them keeping an eye on them everyday from the time of her arrival until their demise less than thirty days later. She endured and outlasted Abby Dog, Pepper Kitty (no relation), Rosie and Sammy Bunny, Brigham Bun, a brood of chickens, and a million goldfish. Without a doubt she ruled over them all.

Despite the early days when she was embarassed weekly as I took her out with the trash, she somehow overcame the embarassing experiences and rose to rule over all she could see. There was only one cat that dared to venture into her domain, and that was Pepper Kitty, who, as her only defeat, came to live with us as well. She put the rest of us to task serving her hand and foot, giving up our beds, couches, La-z-Boys, and good health in order to please her. Everyone of us bears the scars on our extremities that attest to our servitude. Doorjams and furniture were shredded and stand as a silent testimony to her iron hand rule.

But despite even her harsh rule, who can forget the fun that was had with her. Fighting with her by grabbing her tail after she had caught a bird in the backyard. Throwing her onto the frozen pond and watching her land on the ice instead of in the icy cold water.

She was also known as the Healing Kitty. Despite her proud demeanor and attitude, she had healing powers unknown to any other animal. Whenever anyone was sick she should lay next to them and purr and make them better. She had the loudest purr of any kitty. And there were times that all you had to do was look at her and she would purr loudly. She would purr as she shred you hand and arm to a bloody pulp. And she would purr as she left you in a rushing head as you went to wash out your wounds. She never had a wound. In her whole life, she never had a wound.

Our only revenge was when she was diagnosed with diabetes a year ago and we got to give her daily shots. She knew they made her feel better and would come to the kitchen and line up properly for us to shoot her. She even purred when we gave her shots. And she still shredded the door jams right up to the end.

Katze loved life and lived it to the fullest until she just plumb ran out. If ever there was a cat who knew how to be a cat, it was Katze. Queen of Cats, Queen of all she could see. Long live the queen; if even only in our hearts and memory.

Finally, More Misery

2009-01-17T12:45:00.000-08:00

Yes, just what you've been waiting for. The next installment of Misery Loves Company. Please enjoy this next installment.
--The editor

Misery Loves Company Installment 10

2009-01-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Chapter 6 (Continued)

The next morning, when the sun finally made its first appearance in my room, I jumped out of bed full of energy and excitement, got dressed as fast as I could, grabbed my suitcase and ran straight out of the house and down the street to Annette's house. I definitely did not want to be late. And since Disneyland was a long ways away, I knew we would have to get an early start. Annette never told me when to meet her but I knew it was going to have to be early. I was in such a hurry that I didn't even bother waking my parents up and telling them goodbye. I didn't really see much use in it either. I didn't have time to argue any more about Annette being Annette and risking the chance of not being able to go.

My suitcase was heavy so I put it down as soon as I got to the door. I eagerly pushed the doorbell two or three times and waited quite impatiently. I waited for quite some time and no-one came to the door. I started to get worried that I was too late and had been left behind. When no-one came to the door after a few more minutes I began to panic and began to ring the doorbell again. The more I thought about the possibility that she had gone off and left me behind, the more I rang the doorbell. I rang the doorbell over and over again as fast as my little finger could push the button. Finally, the door opened and an older man in a bathrobe looked down at me. He had a sleepy look in his eyes like he had just woke up from a sound nap after a late night. When he spoke, it wasn't friendly. It was actually quite rough. "What the ____ do you want kid.

I had no idea what that one word was but I understood the rest of what he said. Without hesitation I told him who I was and I was there so Annette could take me to Disneyland to be be on the Mickey Mouse Club with her. He then let out a very audible sigh and turned back from the door.

"Annette!" he yelled. "Come here! There's some bright eyed little did here at the door with his bags packed thinking you are going to take hime to Disneyland of all places."

As I was standing there listening to every word her dad said I was even more sure that I was right and Annette was really the Annette and not just another Annette that lived down the street. She was the real deal. I got even more excited. It would only be a few moments before Annette and I would be on our way.

Then Annette came to the door. She was in her bathrobe, too, and looked very sleepy. "Oh Misery, it's you." she said. Then she kneeled down and looked me in the eye. "What are you doing here so early?"

I answered her with just a little bit of dismay. "Don't you remember? I've come to watch the Mickey Mouse Club with you. We've got to go to Disneyland so I can watch it with you; and so I can meet Mickey and Donald and Goofy!"

At first Annette looked perplexed, but then slowly began to laugh a lot the way my mother had the past few days. "No Misery." she exclaimed. "I meant on TV. Here. Today, at my house. You can come back and watch the show with me this afternoon when it comes on, but we've still got all day. Go home and let me get some more sleep, OK?

Suddenly I was crushed. I felt like a big balloon that someone had just let all the air out of and fizzled to the ground after racing through the air. Tears began to form in my eyes as I glared back at her. My hero had let me down. I wasn't going to Disneyland after all. I wasn't going to meet Mickey Mouse or Donal Duck or Goofy. And I still didn't understand how Annette could be here watching the show with me at the same time she was on TV. "How can you be here and on TV at the same time?" I cried.

Annette thought it over for a few moments and began to lagh again. Her dad who was still in the doorway and had been watching the whole thing had a look that changed from annoyed to amused. Then he started to laugh, too. Everyone was laughing except me. Then her dad kneeled down and looked at me and asked me in between laughs if I really thought his daughter was the Annette that was on the Mickey Mouse club. Then he looked over to his daughter and said, "Annette, hoeny, I don't know what you've been telling this kid, but you better straighten him out." He then stood up and walked away, his laughter still heard long after he disappeared from sight.

But after that I didn't need straightened out. I suddenly realized my mother was right. I couldn't beleive what had just happened to me and the fool I had just made myself out to be. I ran straight home. I didn't even bother taking my bag with me. I ran into my house and straight tom my room and dove into my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I never wanted to see the world again. By lunchtime, though, I was getting a little hungry and tried to sneak into the kitchen to get something to eat without anyone noticing. But my mom was there. And she was waiting for me with a look of satisfaction.

"Why Misery," she said. "I'm surprised to see you back so soon. How was Disneyland?"

I just galred back at her with boiling anger stuttering trying to think of something to say back. Finally it came out. The only thing I could think of saying. I had heard it a number of times; mostly when my parents were fighting. I said it looking her straight in the eye. "Oh shut up!"

It didn't go over very well. Instead of spending the afternoon at Disneyland meeting Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy, and having the time of my life, I spent it sitting in a cornerwith a bar of Lifeboy clenched in my teeth contemplating my misery, and the company that came with it.

Norman

2009-01-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is hard to believe, but I am still here. Today I decided to do a study in compare and contrast Norman the Tortoise. I am posting two pictures here. One was taken shortly after we brought Norman home in December 2002. The other was taken today, January 2009.

MIsery Loves Company Installment 9

2008-12-04T08:59:00.000-08:00

Chapter 6

THE TRIP
or
Meeting the Family
or
A Mother's Wisdom

I went bursting into the house screaming and shouting and slamming the doors as I went through them! "Mommy, Mommy!" I shouted.

"Misery!" my mother scolded as she looked up from my baby sister who was nursing and suddenly started crying from all the commotion I was creating. "Hold it down! Your sister is trying..." Just then she stopped in mid sentence as she saw my tattered and bloodied body and just sat there and stared at me in a state of horrific shock. Since my meeting with Annette I had totally forgotten about the crash but I was still covered cut up, bruised, and covered in dirt, twigs and leaves with spots of dried blood all over. I gave it little thought.

"Misery!" my mom finally uttered as she gained control over her emotions. "What happened to you?"

"I met Annette!" I shouted through my big stupid grin. I was so excited about what had happened. I was telling my mother all about my meeting with Annette and my upcoming trip to Disneyland. I didn't say a word about the crash. But my dear mother protector wasn't listening. She quickly laid the baby down and came over for a closer look.

"Just look at you." she interrupted. She began to brush the dirt from my face and clothes and ran her hand with care through my as she assessed the damage done to my young body. "We need to get you cleaned up."

"But mommy!" I pleaded, wanting to tell her the whole story. "I met Annette! I met Annette! You know, from the Mickey Mouse Club!" It was no use. My mother was rushing me down the hall to the bathroom. My mother protector was oblivious to everything I was trying to tell her.

"What happened? What did you do? How did you do all this?" my mother fired in rapid succession not waiting for any answer. Hadn't she been listening at all? That's exactly what I was trying to tell her. Besides, I hap important things to do! I had to get ready. I had clothes to pack. I had underwear to pack! I was going to Disneyland! But all my mother could do was to take a warm wash cloth and dab at my wounds. Then she reached over for the bottle of Methiolade and began applying that. Oh, did that hurt!

I hadn't hurt since I looked up into those big dark eyes of Annette. Those eyes had put me in such a heavenly bliss that all my pains had gone away. But now, at the hands of my mother protector, in the name of healing and sanitizing, in the midst of my futile attempts to relate the great events of the most exciting day of my life, the pain hit home. My eyes grew wide and started to water. I grew about two inches and let out a blood curdling scream that was heard around the world.

Once my mother had finished her first aid treatment and had me looking like I was in a much worse accident than I really was, she finally sat down with a sigh of exhaustion. Again I rattled off the events of the day with all the excitement of before. I told her how I had met Annette, and that she had invited me to watch the Mickey Mouse Club with her the next day, and that I needed to go and pack. My mother sat there and smiled. I though she was so proud of me because I was going to be on the Mickey Mouse Show with Annette. Then she started to chuckle. Now I had heard that chuckle before and knew that that was not a good chuckle. She knew something that I didn't know.

"Misery," she said with all the seriousness she could muster at the time. "That's just Annette down the street." Then she winked at me. "She's teasing you."

No, I didn't believe her. I argued with her saying that sure it was Annette down the street, but she was also the Annette from the Mickey Mouse Club. She told me so. She looked like her, too. And she invited me to the show with her. It had to be her.

My mother was still holding back the laughter in the back of her throat continued to try and convince me. She told me that Annette was the neighbor's daughter, named Annette, and she was home from college for the holidays. Then she warned me not to get my hopes up. But I knew deep in my heart that Annette was the Annette she told me she was. Why would she lie to me? But my mother continued to argue with me telling me that she was sure Annette was telling me the truth about being Annette, but she just wasn't that Annette that I thought she was.

The more we argued about Annette and being or not being who she really claimed to be, or made me think she was someone other than who she said she was, though there never was any argument about her being Annette, just not the Annette I thought her to be, the more determined I was to stand up for what I thought was right and to prove my mother wrong. I was so absolutely positive that Annette was Annette, the one on the Mickey Mouse Club, that I went straight to my room, pulled the suitcase out from under my bed and began to pack.

Just as I finished packing I was called to dinner. I went in quietly, ate my dinner, glared at my mother, told my father good night, and went straight to bed. I didn't sleep a wink that night. But I dreamed every minute I was in bed. I dreamed about going to Disneyland with Annette, and meeting Mickey Mouse, and being on TV.

Misery Update

2008-11-16T17:28:00.000-08:00

We apologize for the delay on the next installment of Misery Loves Company. Once we convince Mr. Love to find the next chapter and submit , we will get it posted.

Again, we apologize for the delay.

The Editors.

Misery Loves Company Installment #8

2008-11-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

Chapter 5 (Continued)

Slowly I opened my eyes. I fully expected to see nothing but white lights and angels standing around me. But instead I was lying on my back in the middle of what used to be well trimmed hedges. My arms and legs were pinned to the ground by hundreds of twigs and branches that had grabbed me when I came crashing through the hedge. A black tractor wheel lay spinning beside me. The chain was sprawled out over my chest. In fact, my tractor was all around me in about a million pieces.

A voice broke the silent air. "Hey, little boy," the voice said. "Are you all right?"

It was a soft, gentle voice. It sounded concerned. It definitely belonged to a girl. I was positive it belonged to the person I just about ran over. The bushes started to rustle and twigs snapped as I heard footsteps come closer. "Where are you?"

I wanted to yell for help, but nothing would come out. I looked towards where the sounds were coming from, but the person was still on the other side of the hedge. "Where are you?" the voice asked again.

I struggled to take a breath and squeaked out a groan. The sounds got closer and the crackling of the leaves and snapping of twigs got louder. Then I saw two hands reach through the bush and pull them apart. I finally saw my rescuer.

"There you are!" she said as our eyes met. "Don't worry. I will get you out."

My eyes were still a bit blurred from the crash, but as she began removing the twigs and branches that trapped me, the girl began to look more and more familiar. She started talking some more to me as she cleared the debris away. "What's your name?" she asked.

"Misery." I answered quietly, still trying to catch my breath. "Misery Love."

My rescuer laughed. "What kind of name is that?"

I was all put out now because she was laughing at my name. It wasn't bad enough that I had just crashed and burned in front of her, but now she thought my name was funny.

"It's my name!" I replied seriously, defending myself. "My parents gave it to me and it's mine!" After a short pause I finally asked her what her name was.

She looked at me as seriously as I answered her and said very matter of factly, "Annette. My name is Annette."

At that moment I knew I had died and gone to heaven. That was why she looked so familiar. I looked back at her and just stared. Then I got very excited. All my aches and pains suddenly disappeared and I forgot about my cuts and scrapes. This really was my lucky day! Who would've ever thought. It really was Annette! And I met her right here on my own block! And I even had my Mickey Mouse ears on when I met her. And by some miracle, they were still on my head. A little bit worse for wear, but they were still there! Then all of a sudden I felt embarrassed. What a terrible way to meet the girl of your dreams. I managed to squeeze out a sheepish little grin.

Annette pulled me out of the bushes and felt around my arms and legs to see if anything was broken. It ticked and I started to laugh. I couldn't believe that I was standing there getting tickled by Annette. I was still having a hard time believing that she was even there. Then she asked me how old I was.

"Five." I answered. Then I looked at her and felt guilty because I wasn't really five. "Well, almost five." I confessed. I'll be five next month."

Annette looked at me in total astonishment. "Wow! You're getting to be a big boy then, aren't you!"

"Yea." I blushed. I kicked a rock off the sidewalk. "That's what my mother says."

Then Annette took a tissue from her purse and started to sop up the blood that was running from my cuts and scrapes. "Well, you must be a big boy because you didn't even cry."

When she said that it made me feel all grown up inside. Right after I crashed I wanted to cry because it hurt so much, but I couldn't because I couldn't catch my breath. Now I was glad I didn't cry. There was no way I wanted to cry in front of her.

The excitement of having Annette there finally got to be too much. I couldn't hod back any longer. "I watch you every day on TV!" I blurted out proudly as I threw my arms around her. I grabbed her around the neck and pulled her to me as she managed to squeak out a gagging response.

Annette took me by the arms and pulled me off of her and looked back at me looking puzzled. "You watch me on TV?"

"I sure do!" I answered! "Everyday on the Mickey Mouse Club!"

Annette paused for a while and then a big grin slowly formed at the corners of her mouth. "Why yes." She said. "That's right. Of course you watch me everyday on the Mickey Mouse Club. I am Annette, and I am on the Mickey Mouse Club." Then she looked at me and asked, "And do you like me?" She winked.

"I love you!" I screamed as I threw myself around her again. Then I had to ask. "Do you really know Mickey Mouse, and Googy, and all those guys?"

Annette looked at me and assured me that she knew each and every one of them. I was in awe. Then I turned and looked at what was left of my tractor in the bushes. "I'm afraid there's not much left of it." Annette consoled me putting her hand on my shoulder. I pulled her tigher around me and looked up and said,"That's OK. It was worth it!"

I started to pull the remains out of the bushes when something dawned on me and I just couldn't figure it out. I stopped what I was doing and turned around to Annette and asked her what she was doing here. "Don't you live at Disneyland?" I asked.

She stood for a moment and finally said, "Of course I do. But I'm on vacation right now." That seemed to satisfy my five year old brain even though I had no idea why you would take a vacation away from Disneyland. I went back to gathering up my tractor.

Annette helped me carry the remains of my tractor to my driveway where I dropped it on the spot and gave Annette another great big hug. When she pushed me away and told me good-bye, I ran into the house as fast as I could. I couldn't wait to tell my mother that I had actually ran into Annette! It was so fantastic that there was no way she was going to believe it. Just as I reached the door, Annette called back to me. "Hey Misery? How would you like to come watch the show with me tomorrow?"

This was just unbelievable. Too good to be true! Annette was inviting me to come watch the show with her! I got even more excited and started to dance around in an uncontrolled frenzy! This meant going to Disneyland and meeting the other Mousketeers. This meant meeting Mickey Mouse! I ran back and gave Annette another great big hug. "Do you really mean it?" I asked not believing my what my ears had just heard.

"Of course." She said. "It's my favorite show, too. Just come on over tomorrow and we will watch it together."

I looked straight up at her and told her I couldn't wait. I turned and ran straight back into the house. I had so much to do to get ready. I shouted goodbye to her and ran in banging all the doors on the way in. I had a lot to do to get ready. Disneyland was a long ways away and I had to get packed and everything. And I just had to tell my mother. I was sure the next day was going to be the biggest and best day of my life! It couldn't get any better. Could it?

Misery Loves Company Installment #7

2008-10-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

Chapter 5

CRASH AND BURN
or
Chance Meeting
or
A Big Surprise!

That afternoon after I had opened the rest of my presents, I put on my Mickey Mouse ears, gathered my drum and horn and got on my tractor and headed to the hill. I would toot holding the horn to my mouth with one hand and bang on the drum with the other. In between toots and bangs when the tractor started veering off course, I would grab the steering wheel and steer it back on course. I tooted and I banged, and along with the clanking of the chain on the tractor as I pedaled, I sounded like an army going up that hill. Neighbors would pop their heads out of their doors to see what the racket was all about as I passed by. I was so excited, decked out with all my Mickey Mouse gear, that I was determined to make this the fastest ride down the hill ever!

I slowly made my way up the hill conserving strength so I could pedal even faster as I came down the hill. My toots and bangs came slower and slower as I crept up the hill, synchronized with my pedaling. When I got to the top of the hill I turned the tractor around and sat there a moment or two pondering the sidewalk and street down below. Since I was determined to make this the fastest ride ever, I wanted to make sure nothing was in the way.

It was a quiet, sleepy, Christmas afternoon. There was no-one on the sidewalk. There were no cars on the street. I scooted back in the seat of the tractor and made myself comfortable. I stretched a bit and then placed both feet, one at a time very purposefully on each of the pedals. I put the bugle in my mouth and held it there with my teeth. I held the drum in one hand and the mallet in the other hand. I was ready.

I took a long deep breath and held it for a second. And then I sounded the loudest, longest, most chilling note I could, breaking the sleepy silence of the afternoon. Birds flew from the bushes. Cats screatched from nowhere. And dogs barked and howled from their yards. My feet pushed at the pedals, slowly at first, but gradually moving back and forth faster and faster like the pistons on a powerful steam locomotive. I was on my way!

I started to band my drum and blew my bugle and pedaled with all my might. HONK, BANG, pedal, pedal; HONK, BANG, pedal, pedal. I put all my strength my legs had to offer into the pedals. HONK, BANG, pedal, pedal; HONK, BANG, pedal, pedal. Nothing was going to stop me now. By the time I was at the bottom of the hill I was sure I was going faster than I ever went before. I could hear the wind howl as it rushed past me in a whirlwind frenzy. I honked and I banged with a passionate fervor, pausing only momentarily throughout the ride to correct the steering to keep the tractor on the sidewalk. I remembered thinking: If only Annette could see me now.

I was still picking up speed as I approached a house with bug bushy bushes that surrounded it's yard. The bushes were so high and thick that you could never see inside to the yard. I had often wondered what was behind those bushes, but was always too afraid to poke my head inside to find out. And then, I as I approached the house, with no warning at all, a dark figure stepped out from behind the bushes, and out onto the sidewalk. It occurred so fast. And I was going so fast. In a sudden panic I blew one long and loud blast as hard as I could on my horn as I threw my drum and mallet into the air so I could grab at the steering wheel. Then my bugle went flying as I spit it out so I could scream as loud as I could. The dark figure turned and stared right into my eyes in horror just like a deer in headlights. The figure was too frightened to move as I quickly came upon it. The tractor veered out of control as I covered my head with my hands and hid my eyes from the coming tragedy. The tractor weaved out into the street, flying off the rounded curb of the sidewalk, becoming airborne for a moment before landing in a haze of sparks and a loud clunk. The tractor was still moving at breakneck speeds, and fearing for my life because I knew I was never suppose to be out in the middle of the street, I panicked even more and over corrected the steering of the tractor so now I was headed straight for the curb of the sidewalk. As I hit the rounded curb it acted like a ramp and sent me and the tractor up into the air, flying over the head of the figure that I was trying to avoid hitting, just standing there and watching me fly past overhead in total shock and amazement. As the tractor began it's downward arc I became seperated from it and headed down towards the bushes. The bushes got bigger as I fell closer and closer to the ground. Then everything went black and all I could hear was loud snapping and crunching, twigs being snapped and brittle autumn leaves being crushed. Then just as fast as it all happened, it stopped. There was total silence. The stillness had returned to the crisp afternoon air. I couldn't move. I thought I was dead.

Editor's Note

2008-10-21T12:37:00.001-07:00

I apologize for being so late with the updates. Between work, traveling and getting sick, the last thing I wanted to do was work on my blog. Anyway, here is the exciting conclusion to Chapter 4 of Misery Loves Company. I hope to be back on schedule and offering more excitin posts to My World.

Bob

2008-10-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

Installment 6

Conclusion of Chapter 4

Christmas was coming and so were the Christmas catalogs. I went wild looking through the catalogs as they came one by one in the mail. The Sears' catalog came first and then the Penny's catalog and then Montgomery Ward’s. I would snatch them up and spend hours sitting on the couch flipping through the pages and pages of toys. The Christmas catalogs were truly a child's delight of fantasies and dreams. I wanted everything but knew I would be lucky to get even a fraction of what was in those catalogs. But what I really wanted for Christmas was in the section of toys that had the Mickey Mouse Club supplies. What I really wanted was a pair of Mickey Mouse ears, a Mickey Mouse drum, and a Mickey Mouse bugle. When I met Annette, I wanted to be prepared. I wanted to be everything she was. When I met Annette, I was going to make sure she liked me best.

I spent the whole Christmas season telling everyone what I wanted. I even stood in numerous lines to tell Santa Claus what I wanted. But every time I saw him and sat in his lap he would ask what my name was and what I wanted for Christmas. I began to think my case was hopeless because every time I saw the man he would have forgotten my name and what I wanted. I must have talked to him a hundred times that Christmas and not once could he remember who I was let alone what I wanted. Even when I tried to give him hints, he didn't have the faintest idea. But I couldn't give up. I even tried writing painstaking letters and included a string to tie around his finger so he wouldn't forget. Santa was my only hope of getting what I really wanted. He just had to remember.

My mother kept telling me not to be disappointed if I didn't get the bugle and drum. She would tell me that I really didn't want them, anyway, because they would keep my baby sister awake. I was starting to get real tired of my baby sister. I wasn't about to let her stand in my way from being appropriately attired when I met Annette. I kept begging my mother for the bugle and drums, and even promised never to play them in the house. I even went back and told the hundreds of Santas that I talked to before that I would never play them in the house, but just to give me the ears, the bugle and the drums. But as Christmas approached my hopes were getting dimmer and dimmer for the Mickey Mouse ears, bugle and drum. Santa couldn't remember who I was or what I wanted, and all my mother would say was "NO!"

On Christmas Morning I came running out to the blinding glare of home movie lights. My dad always got up early on Christmas Morning to set up the 8mm movie camera that had more lights than blinding sun at noon day in the middle of July. When I ran out to see what Santa had brought me, I had to stop and shade my sleepy eyes until they had time to adjust so I wouldn't run full blast into the Christmas Tree. But slowly my eyes began to adjust and I could see faint images. As the objects began to take shape and the colors began to glow, I froze with delight. I took a deep breath and yelled a victory whoop as I ran over to the tree! Mickey Mouse Ears! And they were sitting on a small rocking chair under the tree. And on one side of the chair was a Mickey Mouse bugle, and on the other side was a Mickey Mouse Drum! Santa, by some miracle, and much to my pleasant surprise, remembered me.

I grabbed up the drum and the mallet, and then shoved the horn in my mouth and took a deep breath and was ready to blow when... "Misery!" It was my mother. "You promised." She was reminding me of my promise I made that I would never play the drum or horn in the house.

"Aw, mom." I begged. I really wanted to get a toot on that horn and a bang on that drum. "Just once, Please?" I begged.

"You promised, Misery." Was all my mother would say. Then my dad came to my rescue.

It was a warm California Christmas and my dad told me that after I opened all my presents I could go outside and beat my drum and play my horn. My mother looked over to my dad and smiled and told me that would be alright. But I didn't want to wait. I got what I wanted and I really didn't care what else I got, at least for the moment. Any other present could wait. I ran out of the house and as soon as I was through the door I started banging my drum and tooting my horn. It was great! I was ready for Annette and as I ran around the yard banging my drum and tooting my horn I shouted, Annette, Annette, wherever you are, here I am, come see me, I'm ready for you!" And was I ever ready. I was ready for my wildest dreams to come true that very afternoon!

Misery Loves Company Installment #5

2008-10-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

Installment #5

Chapter 4 (Continued)

"Misery," my mom yelled at me breaking my concentration on the facts of life. "It's four o'clock. It's time for the Mickey Mouse Club!"

It was my favorite TV show. It was 1961 and my favorite TV show was reruns of the Mickey Mouse Club. I had no idea they were reruns, though, and I didn't even know what a rerun was. All I knew at the time was that these kids on the Mickey Mouse Club must be the luckiest kids in the world. They were the idols of kids like me around the world and they lived at Disneyland. And their best friend was my hero, Mickey Mouse.

I could hear the thumping of the drums and the fanfare of the trumpets blare out from the other room. I hurried to pull up my pants and buckle them as I tried to run into the family room where the television was. I was screaming as loud as I could, half running down the hall, "Mickey Mouse Club! Mickey Mouse Club!" I ran into the room and slid to a semi-reclining position in front of the TV, not wanting to miss another second of the show.

I sang but more shouted with the opening as all the cartoon characters sang M-I-C-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E." I really got into it. I loved it. But then Donald Duck would come on and try to take over the club, yelling and squawking. He would shout "Donald Duck!" and I would yell back even louder, "Mickey Mouse." I hated Donald Duck.

My mother would yell at me from the kitchen, "Misery, keep it down in there, Your sister is trying to sleep."

So far that was the only problem I had found with having a baby sister: You always had to keep it down and be quiet. It seemed like she was always taking a nap when I was making noise. It never failed.

I glued my eyes to the TV, my favorite part was coming up next and I especially didn't want to miss that. Jimmy called out in time with the music, "Roll call everybody, sound off now!" The mouseketeers began to callout their names one by one as a chime sounded off with them and the spotlight lit them up so you could see their faces. There was Tommy, and the chimes would chime and the spotlight would light him up and he would turn and smile. And there was Darlene, ding, ding; Chubby, ding, ding; Bobby, ding, ding; Annette, ding, ding.

There she was. A whole second and my heart was racing. Annette made me forget all about auburn hair blowing in my face. Now I wanted her hair! All I seemed to think about, anymore, was getting to see Annette on the TV and hopefully one day getting to see her in person at Disneyland. And then once I met her, who knows what would happen then. Maybe I would have her hair blowing in my face, sitting in my wagon together with me holding tight to her waist. I dreamed on, caught up in my fantasy. But I would have to get someone to peddle the tractor. Maybe Bobby or one of the other Mousketeers would do it. It would be good fun for them. They would like peddling my little red tractor around. I went on in my dreams. Even though my mind wandered, my eyes stayed glued to the TV for Annette's next appearance. I didn't want to miss any of her. The Mickey Mouse Club was my favorite show, but my favorite Mickey Mouse Club shows were the ones where Annette had her own serial on the show; the one where they would sing a song and finished by singing, Annette, Annette, Annette.

I talked about Annette everyday and to everyone. I would talk to my mother about Annette in the kitchen when she was fixing dinner. I would talk to my dad about Annette when he was trying to watch the football games. He liked his football games almost as much as I liked the Mickey Mouse Club, but he would listen to me and say "uh-uh, uh-uh." at least until the cheerleaders, came on. When the cheerleaders came on he would sit up and move closer to the TV and move me out of the way with his hands and tell me to be quiet and to go sit down in the other room. I even talked about Annette to all of my friends that raced me down the hill.

Everyone liked Annette. But I was the only one that really lover her. I was sure of that. We would sit outside or in someone's family room arguing about who liked Annette most and which one of us she would like if we to ever met her. I always won the argument. At least I always figured I won the argument because I just knew she would like me best. I knew that one day I was going to meet her, and she was going to like me. I told everyone that, and I just knew it was going to happen. And I knew it was going to be the greatest thing of my life.

The Seventeenth Post

2008-10-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

De Ja Vu?

So, just by accident, I stumbled across another blogsite. Take a look at it if you would like. It's at boboston2000.blogspot.com. It was a blog I started exactly three years ago in August. In fact, I started this one on August 3, this other one was started August 16. Almost three years apart exactly. Apparently I had great plans for it but promptly forgot what I was doing. Notice the name? It is almost exactly what I named this one. Wierd? I don't even remember it. When I first logged onto it I couldn't figure out what was going on. I had typed in the wrong address by accident. Then I was looking at it thinking, "This isn't mine, but it is mine." Anyway it was interesting to see that I was on the same track three years to the month.

A lot has happened in those three years. In August 2005, I was still working. I was starting to see through my employer and deciding I needed to get out. I think it was about that time that I sent out my initial resumes in order to get out of that place. Things weren't going all that well. I was looking for answers. Now, three years later, I am very busy at being unemployed. I am subbing, working as an independent contractor doing training for teachers, and working at Disneyland. I have discovered that the answers are all within me. It sounds like a really simple solution to everything, but sometimes is so difficult it is daunting. At least this time I made it further than the first post!

Enjoy the trip through nostalgia! Until next time...

The Sixteenth Post

2008-10-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

Officially Indiana

I have now officially completed my training at Disneyland. On Saturday I completed my performance assessment and passed with flying colors at the Indiana Jones Attraction. In fact, the ride even broke down while I was working Tower (the heart of the attraction where you have total control of what goes on) and required me to shut everything down, which I did without any problem. The trainers and supervisors were all very well impressed with my abilities. So, when you go to Disneyland you can officially see me at one of two places: one at the Indiana Jones Temple of the Forbidden Eye, or two: on the parade route on Main Street around either the Plaza or Hub. That is providing I am working. Getting hours has been the next problem. After having many, many hours for the first two weeks, I am now down to a sporadic few. I am lobbying for more, and we will see what I get.

Odds and Ends

There hasn't been too much more happening. I continue to work on the bathroom a little at a time. I continue to work around the house trying to keep caught up on everything else, and, oh yeah, I am trying to get back into the routine at the gym again. I have not been doing very well lately at going so all my flab has come back. I don't quite understand it. It takes me months of really hard work to start seeing the results of my labors with rippling muscles and a tight abdomen, only to see it all turn into flabby muscles and jiggling jello in a matter of days. But who said life is fair?

It's hard to believe it is October already. In the last month I have seen a lot of changes. It will be interesting to see what October brings!

Until next time...

Editor's Note

2008-09-30T13:03:00.001-07:00

Finally, after much delay,and a lot of misery, the fourth installment has been posted. The problem actually started when I went to convert my trial Office package to the real deal. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to complete the conversion, but the process knocked out my ability to cut and paste. Secondly, I was down in Anaheim working over the weekend and discovered my motel had no internet access. In order to do anything I had to drive around town until I found someplace that had access. I finally found a place in a McDonald's parking lot. I was at least able to get on to post the fact that I couldn't get Misery up until later before I was asked to buy a Big Mac or leave. I left. I think everything is in order. There may be a typo or misspelled word here and there, but at least you can read the further adventures of Misery Love.
--The Editor

Misery Loves Company Installment #4

2008-09-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER 4

THE PRE-SCHOOL YEARS II

Missing Parts; A Lesson Relearned

Annette, Annette, Annette

At the end of that tragic summer my family moved across town to a bigger house. The new neighborhood was an older neighborhood with much larger backyards. The street we lived on was long and straight with the sidewalks sloping down into gutters. At one end of the block was a small hill that the street ran down. I still rode my tractor up and down the street, but without the wagon. I tried it once, but it just got in the way. Besides, it just didn't seem right. The hill was perfect to pedal a bicycle, or in my case, a tractor, up and then turn around and peddle as fast as you could going down. The speeds were breathtaking! Sometimes I worried I was going too fast and would lose control, and I would scream in fear. There were a couple of other boys in the neighborhood that were close to my age that would peddle up the hill with me on their bicycles and then race me and my tractor down the hill. That was fun. But every time I would rush down the hill and feel the breeze in my face the memories of the auburn hair tickling my nose and the funny feelings I once had came back. And I never won a race. My tractor, as fast as it was, was slow and bulky compared to the sleek bicycles of the other guys. So, it wasn't long before I didn't want to race any more.

When the days got colder I parked my tractor in the garage and moved my daily routine into the house where I played with my toy cars and trucks. I think I was much like any other little boy at that age. I must have moved several tons of carpet with my Tonka Bulldozer. And with every yard of carpet I moved, my mother seemed to get a little more aggravated at me and less and less patient. I had a hard time understanding what was going on because my dear Mother Protector never got angry with me before. All of a sudden I couldn't do anything or say anything when she was around unless she got angry with me and yelled at me for something. I really tried to please her, but it was to no use. She would just sit around the house all day and get fatter and fatter, and yell at me every time my Tonka Truck would pull up another thread from the carpet. I found out what was bothering her, though. That winter, in late November, my mother had a baby.

I had never really been around a baby since I was born so it was really exciting for me. When my parents brought the baby home my mother would always ask me to help her out. "Go get this," she would say, or, "Go get that!" I was so proud because every time I would help my mother would praise me and shower me with kisses and tell me "what a big boy I was getting to be." My mother made me feel big, and the more she told me how good I was doing, the more I wanted to do for her.

Several days after the baby came home my mother asked me if I wanted to help change the diaper. I hadn't done that yet so I was really excited. I really didn't know what changing a diaper was all about, but I looked forward to “going to get this” and “going to get that” and to get showered with praise and kisses for being such a big help. So my mother took the baby and laid it on the floor and took off the diaper. When the diaper came off I was shocked at what I saw! I was so startled that I immediately ran into the bathroom and pulled my own pants down just to be sure of what I was seeing. Then I ran back. My mother still hadn't put the clean diaper on. "Anything the matter?" she asked me. I didn't know quite how to answer her but I was definitely concerned about our little baby. And obviously my mother hadn’t noticed the problem. She definitely didn’t seem concerned.

"The baby's missing something." I finally answered after a long pause, staring at the baby. My mother looked at me puzzled and then looked at the baby. "Right there," I said pointing, She's missing something, right there!"

My mother looked even closer and asked exactly what the baby was missing. She wasn't going to make this easy. I thought one look at the baby and she should know what I was talking about. Then I pointed right to where the baby was missing something. "Look," I said, seriously, right there, it doesn't have what I have!"

My mother laughed. And my mother kept on laughing, louder and louder. I just stood there with a very concerned look on my face. I didn't understand why she was laughing at such a serious matter. I thought we should immediately call the ambulance and take the baby back to the hospital to get it fixed. But all my mother did was laugh. She tried to control herself several times, but then she would look at me and break out laughing all of a sudden. She laughed so hard that the baby started to laugh, too. I tried to make my mother understand, but it was no use. Finally my mother was able to gain control of herself long enough to put a serious look on her face and turned and looked at me. She knelt down beside me and placed both of her hands on my shoulders. Then with as much seriousness as my mother could muster at the time, and with tears rolling down her cheeks, and between little snickers here and there, she told me: "Misery, she's a girl, and girls don't have those things down there." Then she turned and broke out laughing again.

Then it hit me. Memories from long ago came flooding back into my mind. I had tried hard to forget the hospital, but now the memories of the other me and the another other me came back to haunt me. I remembered it so well. The difference between a boy and a girl. I still didn't know why there was a difference, but there was. I was very curious, and since my mother knew so much, I thought I would go and ask her why there was a difference between boys and girls. My mother had finished diapering the baby and had disappeared into her room. I walked over to her door and was about to knock so I could ask the question when I heard my mother start laughing hysterically. Then I thought it might be better to ask the question later. Instead, I ran back to the bathroom just to look at the difference one more time.

Misery Loves Company Installment #4

2008-09-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Due to technical difficulties the fourth installment of Misery will not be available until Monday. Please check back on Monday for the latest installment of Misery Loves Company.

Contest Winners

2008-09-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

We have a winner! We finally hit our one thousandth reader yesterday. Who is it? Officially, it was grandmama. But not to worry. At My World, Everybody's always a winner. You want some Free Bob's Own Ice Cream? Just show up and I will be happy to churn some out for you. Your choice, Sweet Cream or Strawberry Cheesecake! (We don't do Rice Crispy anymore.)

Thanks for reading!

The Fifteenth Post

2008-09-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

Stress, Pain, and New Jobs

They say a new job is one of the highest stress related contributors. Then when you add two jobs at once, wow! I just completed my third day of training at my almost dream job. I am at the happiestplace on earth and have always wanted to work there in some capacity. Of course the only thing that would truly make it my dream job would be to be a steam locomotive engineer on the railroad. I have been told that that will come. But first things first; I have to get through training on the attraction that I have been initially assigned to: Indiana Jones.

Despite rumors to the contrary, I am not involved in any way shape or form with the Tarzan Tree House. (One look at me in my Depends costume and it was all over). The only thing I have to worry about is Indiana Jones. Now this is the parks most technologically advanced and most popular attraction, so they have entrusted me with a lot of stuff here. Anyway, the focus is always on safety. And when you ride on these things everything looks pretty easy to the innocent by-stander, however, that is not necessarily the case. Every position has about a hundred things they have to do, and while doing that keep people moving, be courteous, and do everything right. There is no margin of error. Yes, it could cause a little stress. So far I have been learning how to greet people, verify fastpasses, merge the two lines together, push buttons so no-one gets hurt, know what the buttons do, and control the lines through the safety film/spiel.

In addition to all of this, you know that I also just started another new job last week. Well, trying the juggle the schedule between the two has often been challenging. For instance: Originally, before I had the Dland job I had two presentations scheduled for next Thursday and Friday. When I took the Dland job I had to guarantee that I could be available on Fridays and weekends, so I promptly made arrangements to have my Friday presentation covered. Then, when I got my first schedule, It had me training on Thursday, but off Friday. I was told that during training, there was nothing they could do about it. So I went home and undid my preparations. When I got back on Friday, they had honored my request so I had to go and recover my Friday. What a headache. Anyway, they told me that once I get through training I can schedule needed days off in advance. I hope so.

Now for the pain. As I mentioned last week, my leg was cramping and hurting right after I started the other job. Well, it hasn't gone away, it has only gotten worse. Probably from the stress. I am sure bing on my feet all day hasn't helped matters. For the last couple days I have been taking a lot of Ibuprofen. Today it wasn't too bad until I walked back to the hotel and it started hurting all over again. I am planning to soak it in hot water tonight, go to bed early and rest. I have to be in at 5:00am tomorrow so rest isn't a bad thing to do right now. I am off at 1:30pm tomorrow and then done until Friday. Oh the pains of wanting to become a steam locomotive engineer. One could never imagine. Hopefully, my leg will be feeling better by then.

In the meantime in my next post I will talk a little bit about how involved the training has been.

Until next time...

Misery Loves Company Installment #3

2008-09-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

Chapter 3

The Preschool Years

My Little Red Wagon

Doctor, Doctor, The Postman's Rung Twice, Now What Do I Do?

Installment 3

I received my first set of wheels when I was four: a little red peddle tractor and matching Radio FIyer wagon. The tractor had a hitch on the back so the handle of the wagon could be easily attached and pulled around like a trailer. I was terror on the sidewalks! Our house was on a comer of a relatively new housing development in Sunnyvale where all the homes looked about the same, and the streets would curve in and out every which way in some feeble attempt to create some interest to the neighborhood. I would ride that little red tractor with trailing Radio Flyer wagon up one street and down another as fast as my four year old legs could peddle. Up the block and around the block, but I was always careful never to cross any streets, like a good little boy.

I didn't know it at the time, not that it mattered back then, but I was impressing the girls. Each day as I would zoom past the houses of all the young girls my age, they would look out from their windows and watch me peddle by and point to me. Occasionally I would hear them say how much they wanted to ride in my little red wagon. They wanted to ride with me because I was the only one in the neighborhood that had a little red pedal tractor with matching red tow wagon, but I didn't know that. I thought they just wanted to ride with me.

Next door and around the comer lived a brother and sister. Well, scratch the brother. Up until this time boys were of little use to me. Except for my dad and my grandfather I got little comfort, little praise, no love and especially no meaningful companionship from boys. However, it wasn't long until I found a very beneficial use for the brother.

Betsy was my age and was a beautiful four year old as far as I could tell at the time. She had cute dimply cheeks, long auburn hair, and whatever else you could imagine a beautiful four year old to have. She also had a brother that was a year older than we were and he loved to drive the tractor up and down the neighborhood sidewalks as Betsy and I rode in the back of the trailer. It was summer and Tommy would pedal for all he was worth as Betsy and I rode in the back clinging to each other to keep from being thrown out of the trailer as Tommy sped around the sharp comers and curves on two wheels, stopping only long enough to eat a quick but protested lunch. The cool breeze from the San Francisco bay a mile away would whistle by giving welcomed relief from the heat. The breeze would catch Betsy's long, auburn hair, and since she always rode in front of me (I arranged the seating order), would blow all over my face and tickle me unmercifully. I loved it. And to top it off, the wagon was just big enough for the two of us to fit in comfortably. In order to sit in the wagon and keep from being tossed out as Tommy took the comers at break-neck speeds, we had to sit very close to each other and I had to wrap my legs around her. Betsy would hold onto the sides of the wagon and I would clutch her tight, around the waist. All I could do was smile as her hair tickled my face and then I squeezed her waist even tighter. And all Betsy ever did was smile back at me, and scoot back closer and tighter to me. We were two four year olds having the times of our lives! And Tommy just kept peddling as fast as he could, up and down the neighborhood, grinning from ear to ear never once knowing what was going on behind him in the little red wagon. Unfortunately, at the age of four, I was incapable of grasping and appreciating the situation that I was actually in, not even dreaming I would rarely find myself in a similar situation again at an age when it would really matter. I was too young to have learned how to play "Doctor" and the only "Post Office I knew at the time was down the road a few miles where my mother bought postage stamps. But I knew I was having a great time with the cool summer breeze blowing through that long auburn hair and right into my face, and my legs entwined in Betsy's and my arms clutching her tight around the waist. My smile let everyone know I was having a great time. And I was sure the great times would never end. I felt good that summer. I felt new and fresh. I really didn't know why I was feeling that way that summer, but I knew I was enjoying what I was feeling.

I rode with Betsy with her auburn hair blowing across my face and my arms clutching at her waist almost every day that summer, until one night late in August. The day had been spent riding the tractor as usual. It was getting late and Tommy and Betsy's mom had been waiting out on the sidewalk outside of their house to flag us down to call them in for dinner. As we came speeding by, Tommy saw his mom and slowed down just enough to make the turn into his driveway without spilling Betsy and me onto the oil-slicked driveway. We spun around several times, mostly on the two wheels of the wagon making for and exciting and wild ride. I held Betsy's waist tighter than ever before, mostly for dear life, but since there is little life to flash before a four year old, I had plenty of time to experience the joys and other exciting and wild feelings that were well beyond my abilities of understanding. Betsy grabbed my arms and pulled them tighter around me and held on tight until the tractor finally slid to a halt. Tommy quickly jumped off the tractor and ran into the house with only a shout of "goodbye." But Betsy slowly got out of the tractor, still holding onto my hands and looked me straight in the eyes, piercing me deeply to the heart. My heart rumbled and skipped a few beats. I believe that's when I picked up that bothersome heart murmur I have. She slowly let go of my hands, sliding her fingers slowly by mine in a reluctant farewell, never taking her eyes from mine. Something happened in that wagon as it went spinning around the driveway that day, but I didn't know what it was. She told me "goodbye," and "I'll see you tomorrow in your little red wagon." as she slowly disappeared into the house. I reluctantly waved goodbye to her as my heart pounded wildly inside my chest as I grasped for breath. Then I slowly turned and floated over to the tractor and mounted it for my short ride home around the comer to get ready for my dinner. As I parked my wagon and went into the house I longed for the next day and riding in the wagon with Betsy, our legs entwined, her auburn hair blowing in my face, and me, holding her tight around the waist. Morning seemed so far away; it seemed like it would never come.

That night was hot and muggy, and I had a hard time sleeping. We didn't have an air conditioner so I usually spent several hours tossing and turning in bed before I could doze off to sleep. I usually thought about what happened in the wagon that day and what might happen in the wagon the next day. Usually it was the same thing, night after night, after night: Betsy's hair blowing in my face and me holding her tight around the waist, until that night. That night I thought about those eyes, and the feelings I had when she pierced my heart when she looked at me. The feelings were so intense, I couldn't wait until morning. I wanted, more than anything in my life, to be with Betsy. And I laid there waiting; waiting, tossing and turning for morning.

After the summer sun had finally set and darkness had engulfed my room, and as I was dwelling on the events of the day, I began smelling a faint scent of smoke that gradually became stronger and stronger. Then outside I heard a commotion of screaming and shouting. I heard someone shouting to "Get out! Get out!" Then I heard the faint wail of sirens in the distance that grew louder and louder as they got closer and closer. Like any four year old boy I enjoyed watching fire engines. The sirens were getting very close and I stood on my bed, barely reaching high enough to see out the window and onto the facing street. As the sirens got even louder, and the horns were blasting impatiently to get everyone out of their way, I could see flashes of red light coming from around the comer and crowds of people running towards it. I caught a glance at several fire trucks as they sped past and turned around the comer. One of them stopped at the comer and hooked the hoses to the fire hydrant. I couldn't see where they were going, and I couldn't tell exactly where the fire was, but I was mesmerized by all the action I could see and the pulsating rhythm of the flashing red lights on the fire trucks. After several hours things began to quiet down. People started going home and the firemen began to roll up their hoses. Then all that was left where there had just been so much excitement and hustle and bustle, was an eerie, still, and quiet darkness. I dropped down to my bed exhausted from watching all the action. Now it was going to be even harder to wait until morning when not only was I going to have the enjoyment of Betsy's company and blowing hair and legs entwined and grasping her waist, but we could talk about the fire and see where it was and survey the damage. From everything I could see, Betsy was in a perfect position to see everything. She would be able to tell me every detail that she saw. I finally fell asleep, exhausted, with visions of auburn hair dancing in my head.

I woke up early the next morning and was so excited I was barely dressed as I ran out of the house to get on my tractor. When I got on the tractor, I put it in high gear and peddled with all my might! I tore out of the garage, down the driveway, wheeled around onto the sidewalk, and headed towards Betsy's house. I couldn't wait. There was so much to talk about, so much to do, hair to fly and a waist to hold firmly on to. Then as I rounded the comer I just stopped peddling. My legs went limp and the pedals kicked at my feet as the tractor slowly coasted to a stop. Tears came to my eyes as the tractor rolled to a stop in front of the charred remains and heaps of rubble that had just yesterday been Betsy's house. I got off my tractor and surveyed the damage for any sign of life.

"Betsy?" I yelled. I don't know why I yelled for her, but I was suddenly filled with desparation.

"Tommy?" I yelled again, hoping, praying for some answer.

"They're gone kid," came a voice from behind me, from across the street. It was old man Goats who lived across the street from Tommy and Betsy. He never talked much except to scream and yell at us each time we plowed by on the tractor yelling and screaming in delight. "They're gone, and they’re not coming back." he said. "Now go on, scoot, get out of here before you get yourself in trouble."

The old man turned and walked back into his house but kept an eye on me through his living room window. I turned and got back on my tractor and slowly began to peddle back home. When I got to the comer I stopped and looked back, hoping to see Betsy running up behind me to ride in my wagon. But she wasn't there. After that I would ride my tractor back to the corner each day and wait, hoping that one day, Betsy and her family would come back and live next door to me once again. But they never did come back. Work crews came instead and cleared off the lot of the charred remains of Betsy’s house. Eventually a small playground was built, much to old man Goat's dismay. I never played there. All I ever did was to slowly pedal my tractor with the little red wagon in tow slowly around the block, and then even slower as I passed the playground where all the neighbor kids were playing and laughing and screaming in delight. Other neighborhood brothers wanted to drive my tractor and even offered to let me ride in the back with their kid sisters. But all I could think of was the cool summer breeze, the auburn hair blowing in my face and my arms clutching tight to her waist. And smiles. Beautiful give away smiles from ear to ear. But they were gone now; all gone. No one could ever replace Betsy. I was miserable; no more smiles, no more legs, no more auburn hair blowing in my face and no more clutching at the waist; Misery was beckoning for company. I was only four, but what little precious life I had was over.

!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

2008-09-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

DISNEYLAND--The big mouse has finally decided where to put Bob in his new assignment as a cast member at Disneyland. Despite his desperate attempts to be cast as a prince to one of the beautiful Disney princesses, Disney has decided to cast Bob as one of the few spotlighted Disney Princes. Bob has been cast as Tarzan and will be seen at Tarzan's Tree House on weekends over the coming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Wrapped in a loin cloth (provided by Walgreen Pharmacies under the name brand Depends.) Bob will greet youngsters and oldsters alike and will pose for pictures with Tarzan fans. Upon this announcement, school districts across the state announced they will be providing extra counselors for students that spend Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays at Disneyland.

The Fourteenth Post

2008-09-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

Work

Work continues. That is a good thing. I completed the fourth day of my training presentations today. Everyday keeps getting better, and today my sponsors started talking about having me come back to teach the smaller user groups. That's fine with me. That way it would keep me busy and keep the lettuce coming in the feeding troughs.

What makes this such a fun job is that everyday is different and you never know what is going to happen. With the fact that there are different individuals in each group, the dynamics change day in and day out. Sometimes the location changes which can prove very interesting as well. Yesterday, for instance, we were in a regular conference room. Everyone had to bring their own laptops and connect to the internet. Well, there are not that many that really understand their computers, so that was quite a challenge. To top it off, some of them had to borrow computers because they either forgot to bring theirs, or simply didn't have one to bring. Whey they borrowed a computer, they had to log onto the loaner computer in addition to connecting and logging onto the internet. This proved to be quite challenging.

Once we got going, the presentation went fine until right after lunch. Unbeknown to us, the seminar next door was a music seminar and they had scheduled a band concert. The walls in the building are not very thick, and since they were right next door, they sounded like they were in our room. Everytime I went to say something, the band would start playing. At least it woke up the participants.

Another thing of note: I bought new shoes for my other new job. I have been trying to break them in in time for tomorrow. But with the combination of new shoes, new job, I am on my feet most of the six hour presentation, add stress of a new job on top of that, and of course a little worry about the other new job starting tomorrow, my legs have been one gigantic achy mess! Instead of eating candy corn I have been gulping down the ibuprofen so I can some sleep at night.

Talk about new job. Tomorrow is the big day for the other new job. I go to orientation and hopefully will get my assignment and first schedule. I should find if I will get my dream job and be steam locomotive engineer, or a second best, conductor, or even jungle cruise captain; or if I will consigned to the dredges and simply be the attendant at Tarzan's Tree House. All I can say is "Stay tuned till tomorrow when you find out the exciting conclusion of Bob's New Job!

Until next time...

Ice Cream Flavor of the Month

2008-09-14T08:00:00.001-07:00

Rice Crispy Treat Ice Cream

OK, we've found a dud. Those rice crispy treats that we all know and love, just don't translate well into ice cream. We have found a flavor that will NOT be offered through our mail order ice cream catalog. But for those of you who insist on having it, here is the recipe:

1 1/2 cups whole Milk

1 1/8 cups sugar

3 cups heavy cream

1 cup miniature marshmellows

3 cups rice crispies

Mix milk and sugar together until sugar is completly dissolved. Add cream to mixture and add mixture to ice cream maker. Churn in mixer for approximately 25 minutes. Add marshmellows to mixture, continue to churn for 5 minutes. Pour ice cream into a rectangular baking pan, 9x11 or similar size and spread out ice cream to be about 1" thick across the bottom of the pan. Freeze flat for at least 12 hours. To serve, cut ice cream into bars, coat with crispies by dropping ice cream bar into shallow bowl of rice crispies and covering bars with cerial. Eat.

Next month: In honor of harvest time and halloween we will be experimenting with pumpkin pie ice cream. Does that mean we will have turkey ice cream for November?

The Thirteenth Post

2008-09-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

In General

It has been another week, and as predicted, things have started to pick up. I started doing my teacher trainings on Thursday. Even though I was a bit nervous and very concerned everything turned out alright. I got a little behind schedule right off the bat and had some other timing problems but I was able to get everything we needed done by the end of the day. My evaluations had me at 3.7 out of four with many notes saying I was an excellent presenter. I had told them at the beginning of the presentation that it was my first day so I attributed the high marks to a sympathy factor. My supervisor told me I did an excellent job for the first presentation and not to worry, the second one always goes better, even though my first presentation was very good. So all night I worried again about how I was going to make my presentation better, even though I had no idea what to do different to make it better. But not to worry. Almost automatically from the very start, things went so much better. I was on schedule, the presentation went much smoother, I felt more comfortable. I'm ready to go for number three now. It should be even better.

The fun thing about the presentation yesterday, was about an hour after lunch, the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate the building. Now this was no small feat! This is the county education building, and it is located in Downtown Fresno. The building itself was once an old hotel that the county had purchased and renovated. It has a tower and there are a lot of people that work, visit, or come there for meetings, workshops or for other reasons. There were a lot of people evacuating the building. Of course we had no idea where we were going. Once we were out of the building, we had no idea where to go. To make matters worse, there were people shouting it was a false alarm, and other people shouting it was real and to evacuate. I played sheep and simply flowed with the masses. When everyone started going back to the building and lining up to take the elevators back up to the floors to go to work, I thought I could beat the crowds and take the stairs. I only needed to go to the fourth floor. So up the stairs I went. When I finaly made it huffing and puffing up the stairs to the fourth floor, I tried the door and it was locked. I found a sign on the door that said: "For security reasons, all stairwell doors are locked from the inside and floors cannot be accessed from the stairwell." So it was back down the stairs, in line for the elevators, and finally back to work to finish the presentation.

Hobnobbing

For the evening I was invited to attend a high honor dinner hosted by the president of Fresno State University at his house. It was a very lavish affair. The house is in a secluded, exclusive neighborhood, and sits on about a half acre of land. There was a huge swimming pool. There were about 1000 people there. The occassion was to honor the school's baseball team that had won the national championship over the summer. There was lots of good food, mostly wieners of various sorts served by white coated servers. It was delicious. Later on that night I had thought I had made a lasting impression on the president when we passed each other in the crowds and he greeted me again, calling me by name and asking me how I was enjoying the party. When I was bragging about the president remembering my name out of the thousands of guests, my host reminded me that I was wearing a name tag.

Looking Ahead

This next week should continue the exciting times. I have two more presentations on Monday and Tuesday. And then Wednesday I have my orientation at Disneyland and will hopefully find out my schedule and assignment. I am still holding out for steam locomotive engineer. In the meantime, my teacher trainings look like they will expand to southern California. My supervisor was telling me about a huge district coming on line with around 1700 special education teachers that will need to be trained. Things are looking good!

Until next time...

Misery Loves Company Installment #2

2008-09-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

Misery Love’s Company

An Autobiography of a Love Life That Never Was.

How to Succeed At Failing in Love In One Easy Step: Making The Attempt.

By Misery Love

The story of a young boy growing up and falling in love, and then growing up some more and falling in love and growing up some more and falling in love and growing up even more and…

Installment 2

My eyes were finally starting to adjust to the bright lights by now. For the first time I was beginning to see this new world of mine. I could make out faint images. As time went on, and as I became more and more relaxed in the soothing hands that held and caressed me, colors began to appear, and then images. I looked up and around to see where all this comfort and caring was coming from. I wanted to see who my rescuer was. All I saw was this green creature, with a white, featureless face. It was my hero. It had saved me from my misery. I cuddled into it and tried to return the feelings it was giving to me.

After I relaxed and had calmed down, the green creatures took me to another large and bright room and laid me in a see-through bed. As far as I could tell I was the only one in the room except for the green creatures and their comforting hands and soothing voices. At times the voices and hands would disappear and I would find myself yearning for them to come back. I looked forward to my next massage, and the squeezing and the rubbing. My whole purpose in life was to get as many body massages as possible. I didn't care about anything else.

When the next massage came, I looked up at my green comforter and saw instead a soft face framed with long flowing hair that was beautiful and caring and full of love. And then I noticed that there were several of them all around, waiting to touch me and to caress me and to take care of me. Later I found out that these creatures were called nurses, and were in actuality the green creatures in disguise. Apparently they used the green disguises to save me from the awful clutches of the hard and cold monster. But I was in their care now, and I longed for those tender hugs and little kisses, each one bestowed on me in their own turn. This is when I first discovered the true meaning of life. But I was soon to discover there were more lessons to learn.

I had been alone and yearning for those nurses to come back and give me some caring attention. All I dreamed of was having them come and hold me and shower me with kisses. I wanted a massage and to be squeezed by their tender and caring hands. I heard them approach and I relaxed expecting more great and wonderful things to happen. My body stopped its constant thrashing and began to tremble in anticipation. The nurse took me by the ankle and gently pulled it towards her. She carefully stroked my leg, up and down. This was a new twist to the full body massage, but it felt wonderful, too. It was a new pleasure in life. This may have even been better than a full body massage. I just kept my eyes closed and smiled and cooed as my leg was gently stroked up and down.

Then I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my foot! Another sharp blow in my thigh! My arm was grabbed and wrapped and squeezed until I thought it would fall off! Then a cold round thing was pressed against my chest and a long, cold, skinny thing was shoved up my, well, you know where! It hurt! My world, all of one hour old, was shattered within seconds. Once again in my short life I was plunged into misery. My rescuer nurses, the kind, loving and gentle hands had turned on me and brought me more pain and torture. Again I cried out as loud as I could to protect myself. My arms and legs began to thrash again like a wild and crazy beast. I was able to scare them off and was left alone in the large, bright room.

After the ordeal, and the cruel change of events, I lay there contemplating further the meaning of life. From now on I would never know if the kind, gentle voices, and the loving, caressing hands would turn out to be nothing more than the cruel instruments of torture. I loved the gentle kindness and warmth they offered, but feared the pain and harshness they could turn to without a moment's notice. I never knew what to expect, or when they would change. I would never enjoy another massage again, fearing what might come next. Then my thoughts were shattered by another cry, far off in the distance at first. But then it got closer and louder. Then it seemed to be right next to me. I struggled to turn my head over to the direction the crying seemed to come. My hands thrashed and my legs kicked and finally, I managed to get my head turned so I was looking over next to me. I looked through my clear bed and saw, right next to me, another me! And to my surprise, the traitorous nurses were massaging and cooing all over this new arrival just as they did me. Fortunately, knowing the true character of the nurses, I was no longer the center of attention. But I felt it was my duty to warn the other me that those gentle and caring hands could turn to terror in an instant. I cried out the warning, louder and louder, but it was no use, the other me only cooed and made sounds of contentment. It's time would come. It would soon learn the true character of the nurses that were caring for it. I tried to warn it. But for now I was growing sleepy and fell into a deep slumber thinking at least that I wasn't alone now. There would be someone to turn to when I woke up. Someone that I could turn and cry to, and maybe someone that could understand me. And we would be able to help one another in our times of misery.

I'm sure I didn't sleep long and when I woke up I struggled to turn my head to look at the other me. The other me was staring back obviously checking me out as much as I was checking it out. I was fascinated by what I saw since I had never seen another me before. I laid there wondering if that was what I looked like, and checked out the other me inch by inch.

"Let's see," I thought to myself, brimming with curiosity. I looked at the head, "Check; A little hair up on top," I thrashed my arms up to my head and wiggled a bit and felt a little fluff that I was sure to be hair, "just like me," I thought, "check." I looked further, "There's one eye," and then the other me turned over a bit more so I could see the other, "And there's the other, just like me, check. Nose, there is a nose, a bit, no, quite a bit smaller than mine, but other than that it's just like mine, check. Mouth, check; cries and sounds just like me, check. And those spastic arms, two of them, just like me, check. Chest, belly button." I continued my checklist and everything was checking out. Then, "Oh-oh!" I thought, noticing something different about the other me. The other me had something missing down there. At first it caught me by surprise. I wasn't quite sure what it was that was missing, but after a quick glance down at my body I saw it. The other me didn't have what I had down there. It was missing it. I didn't know exactly why I had what I had down there, but I had it and it didn't. Then my thoughts were interrupted by another cry that came from the other side of me. It started faint and grew louder as it came closer. I struggled to turn my head to the other side just in time to see the nurses roll another other me into place. The nurses cuddled and cooed over the new arrival and when they had finished, the another other me turned its head over to me and began checking me over just like the other me had. And, like before, I began checking over the another other me. I quickly scanned over the body of the another other me and, just like before, everything was checking out, just like me, except the nose; the another other me, just like the other me had a much smaller nose; but other than that it checked out just fine, until I got there, where something was missing, again. This another other me was different, too. Again I wasn't quite sure what was different, but with a quick jerk of the head so I could check myself out again, I remembered, I had something, it didn't. I turned to look at the other me and then over to the another other me and tried to figure out why they were different from me, and why. Then a terrible thought came to me. It wasn't that the other me and the another other me was different; it was me that was different! All of a sudden I felt awkward and embarrassed. I tried to casually cover up the fact that I was different from the other two. I was hoping that they hadn't noticed yet. I tried to casually move my hands down to the spot where I was different in order to cover up the fact, but every time I tried to move, my feet would thrash and my arms would fly and I would expose myself even more. And every time I would try to put my feet down, my arms would fly up in the air and wave as if saying, "Hey look everybody, look at me! I'm different." Occasionally I would get my hands where I wanted them, but as soon as I got them there I would spasm and squirm, and my arms would pull away just as quickly as I got them there. The only thing I noticed was the other two me's constantly staring at me. It was useless. Any effort I made to cover up my difference only drew more attention to it.

During my attention arousing display, I noticed a nurse walk up to the wall and pull on a rope or a string. The next thing I knew, the wall was turned into a crowd of gawking and pointing people. And I knew they were all pointing at me! They knew. They could see, and I did little to draw their attention away from me. I was there on display, naked for the whole world to see. One of the crowd tapped on the glass and pointed directly to me. Others crowded around him as he smiled and laughed, the whole time gesturing at me. The others slapped him on the back and laughed jovially as well. I could do nothing to hide my shame.

Then one of the nurses walked over and pointed to me as she looked over to the crowd behind the glass. All I could do to protect myself was to cringe and try crying again, it had worked before. But I had cried so much that my throat was beginning to get sore, and my cries began to sound a lot like that of a cat that had been outside all night in the winter. So crying didn't do much for me anymore, except make my throat hurt more. I had no idea what the nurse was going to do to me this time. I wasn't really sure if I really wanted to know, either. But the nurse picked me up and carried me over to the window and with one hand supporting my neck, and the other holding my bottom, she held me up in front of the glass, in full, unobstructed view for all to see. The people got even more excited and seemed to dance around each other. The one that tapped on the window continued pointing at me and smiling, laughing and gesturing to everyone that I was different. I knew I was different, and now, so did the whole world.

After everyone had their eyes filled with my difference, the nurse finally took me and put me back in the see-through bed and shoved some icky plastic thing into my mouth to stop me from crying. And then, after what seemed like a lifetime, and actually it was most of my lifetime up until then, the nurse finally made her way over to the wall of jeering people and covered them up. As soon as the people were gone the nurses made their way back to me, the other me and the another other me and started soothing and comforting us once again. I was sure something awful was about to happen again. I cringed as I kept my eyes on the nurse at all times so I could see what was about to happen to me. But all she did was fold a piece of cloth, shove it under my bottom and wrapped it around me where I was different. I looked over to the other me and the another other me and saw that they, too, had been swaddled with the cloth. My difference was finally covered. What a relief that was. I was no longer different from the others, at least for now.

It had been a hard day, and a long one. I had already experienced and learned a lot. Drowsiness was overtaking me. And now that I was covered I could allow myself to drift off to sleep, to dream of the comforts of the womb from which I had come and the full body massages to which I arrived. My dreams would seem to become the only place I could ever enjoy those comforts again. But then the dreams would be followed by the nightmares of reality; Of the nurses turned torturers and, of course, my own little discovery. I would sleep now, but never sleep too sound. I had to always be alert and on the lookout for the ever present nurses. I never knew what they were going to be up to next.

End Chapter 1

Look for the continuing saga in Chapter 2 next week!

The End of the World Follow Up:

2008-09-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

BANG!

The Twelfth Post

2008-09-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

In Good Company

With all my talk of therapy, it's good to know that I am in good company. A list of the top five "Mad Geniuses" was recently released. They are:

1. John Nash (1928- )

2. Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)

3. Edgar Allen Poe (1809-1849)

4. Ludwig Von Beethoven (1770-1827)

5. Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727)

Scientists believe that for the more part, creative geniuses are crazier than the rest of the population. Others that were mentioned in the survey were Mary Shelley of Frankenstein fame, and Ernest Hemingway. I don't believe there is any doubt attesting to their sanity!

And you thought I was crazy?

Updates

I still seem to be in the waiting mode as not much has happened for a while. But all that will change come Thursday. I went over to Ridgecrest to pick up X and his mommy since his daddy is out on travel. He is keeping us busy and entertained. In the meantime, subbing hasn't picked up at all, yet. I have been preparing for my SEIS presentation for Thursday and Friday. I am getting sick of it looking it over all the time; And I will probably forget everything Thursday morning as soon as I open my mouth. It should go alright, though.

Ice Cream

We tried making our new concoction Rice Crispy Treat Ice Cream in our test kitchen today. Notice the key word, tried. Unfortunately we are having some trouble stirring our marshmellow in. That's all right, though. One of the nicer things about working with ice cream is that even your mistakes taste great. So, as soon as we clean up our mess we'll get back to the drawing board to perfect the recipe.

Watch the postings: As soon as we have it, we will publish the recipe for everyone to enjoy this wonderful new flavor. Of course, if you don't want to buy it you can always order it. See side panel for details.

Postcards From My Cell Phone Sequoia National Park

2008-09-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Sequoia National Park King's Canyon National Park

Central California, USA

These two national parks are right next to each other, and you never really know when you go from one to the other. They have some of the largest trees in the world. Both the General Sherman and General Grant trees are Giant Sequoias. They may not be the tallest, topping out at around 275 feet, but they are the biggest by volume. The General Sherman is the largest single living organism by volume. The trunk alone measured in at 1487 cubic meters. WOW! The tree is estimated to be around 2500 years old. Imagine the history it has lived through.

The parks also have an abundance of wildlife. For instance, during our visit we encountered a bear. I wasn't able to get a very good picture of it because I was running too fast.

Anyway, having fun. Wish you were here.
Bob

!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

2008-09-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

BIG BANG THREATENS TO BLOW UP EARTH

A British scientist is planning to explain the secrets of the beginnings of the universe by testing the Big Bang Theory in a controversial experiement. But other scientists from around the world are afraid that his experiement will turn the earth into a black hole and eventually destroy the planet.

Evan the Atom, a British physisist plans to start up his experiment on Wednesday using a specially designed 17 mile donut shaped tunnel that will be used to smash sub-atomic particles head on at the speed of light. The tunnel is located at a depth of 100 to 600 feet below the Swiss-French border near Geneva. It was built by the European Organization for Nuclear Research at a cost of over $5 Billion dollars and is designed to recreate conditions that existed a split second after the Big Bang to provide clues to the beginning of the universe and the building blocks of life.

The experiment is not without its detractors, however. Skeptical scientists from around the world beleive this big bang will result in anihalation. But on the cautious side of making a prediction that would result in total destruction, scientist are saying the effect may not coincide with the experiement. "It may take four years or more." says one scientist. "Then someone will see a light shining out of the Indian Ocean and no one will be able to explain it." Which is odd since it has already been explained.

Misery Loves Company Installment #1

2008-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Misery Love’s Company

An Autobiography of a Love Life That Never Was.

How to Succeed At Failing in Love In One Easy Step: Making The Attempt.

By Misery Love

The story of a young boy growing up and falling in love, and then growing up some more and falling in love and growing up some more and falling in love and growing up even more and…

CHAPTER 1

IN THE BEGINNING...

A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Delivery Room

Help, Help, I’ve Got a Strange Growth

Of course it all started in the beginning. Most stories do. My name is Misery, and for good reason, too. I tell my story for all those who are about to embark, or even those whose ships have already docked and are thinking about setting sail once again on that endless sea of love. You see, when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, we are all miserable. So you would think that we would be wise enough to leave those relationships well enough alone. But then, after many miserable experiences, we find that we are all miserable without those relationships with members of the opposite sex. We all have our stories. This is mine.

You may have a hard time believing this, but I have an extraordinary memory. I can actually remember the day I was born. The memory of being awakened from a somber sleep in my dark and warm, peaceful existence, and suddenly being tom away. I was pushed and squeezed as I was moved through a long and dark corridor against my will. I remember my head being pushed up and seeing a small pinhole of light in the distance that grew larger as I moved closer. I fought to return to my only known existence, but I was unmercifully squeezed and pushed toward the light. I heard noises: Exciting noises. I heard voices: unfamiliar voices.

I had heard voices throughout my existence, but they were always soft, gentle, and muffled. But now they were getting louder, clearer, and they were clearly excited. The excitement of the new noises made me momentarily forget my apprehensions of being pushed toward the light as I was filled with curiosity to know what was beyond the light. As the light grew larger it felt warmer and more appealing. My curiosity grew stronger. I remember wanting to touch the light, to see what it felt like and to embrace it and pull it close into me. The closer I got to the light, the more peaceful I felt. When I got close enough to where I thought I could touch it, I reached out, with both arms to grab it. It was like a dream. But as soon as I did, monsters, that's the only way I can describe them came in through the light and grabbed me by the head. They were hard and cold. My peace and curiosity were turned to fear. Suddenly, my dream had turned into a nightmare. I was twisted and turned; pulled and yanked. I fought with all my might to return to the deep dark confines of the tunnel from which I was being forced. All I wanted to do was to go back to the only home I knew. But it was too late. The hard cold monsters gripped my head harder. I heard one of the excited voices yell "Push!", and suddenly I was spit out into the light.

The light was warm and very bright. A cooling slime covered my body and oozed off of me. I had never seen anything before and I squinted to see where I was. My eyes ached from the blinding light. I could see movement around me but that was about all I could make out. The vice grip of the hard and cold monsters melted away in the warmth, but before I could feel comfortable again I was grabbed by the ankles by another unknown force and held upwards and upside down. I was trying to figure out where I was, to see what was happening to me and to see what had grabbed a hold of my ankles and holding me upside down. But every time I tried to open my eyes, the blinding light would sting them and I had to shut them tight. And then came the first blow in my life. A sharp blow across the buttocks. I had never felt pain before, but I was sure that this was it. I struggled to get away from the sharp grip of the monster that had me, but to no avail. And then came another blow. And then another and another. I was being spanked! Spanked, mind you! And I had no idea of what I had done wrong. In fact I hadn't even had chance to do anything yet in my life, and I was getting spanked. But the blows kept coming. The slapping sound of flesh echoed throughout the room and I fought to get away. I had no idea what use fighting would do since if the monster that had a grip on my ankles let go I would have been dropped on my head. But it hurt and I wanted to get away. The voices came back, louder and more excited than ever. And then another blow slapped across my bottom. My arms began flapping, my knees buckled under the grip that held them. All I could do was cry. It was my only defense.

I cried as loud as I could. And it worked, too. As soon as I began to cry, the blows to my bottom stopped. But I continued to cry so they wouldn't come back. I cried loud, and I cried mean. I cried as mean as I could. I cried with my mouth wide open trying to look as big and mean as I could. But then another monster attacked me. Every time I cried and let out a loud burst, something was stuck in my face and shoved down my mouth, and it made a loud slurping sound. At times I thought my tongue was going to be sucked right out of my mouth. Then things were put up my nose and they kept going until they came out of my mouth. I thought this misery would never end. If this was life, I wanted no part of it. But when I thought my misery would never end, the grip gently let go and I was encompassed by another, softer, gentler grip that reminded me of my dark, cozy home from where I had just come. It engulfed me round about and added to the warmth of the light that was around me. What ever held me and comforted me began to rub and squeeze me. It was my first full body massage! It moved up and down and all around. I couldn't help but to relax; it felt so good. I thought I had been rescued and my nightmare over. The fantasy of life was awakening inside of me. Smooth voices and soft hands surrounded me. I was caressed over and over again; a squeeze here and a squeeze there. Soft words of comfort that I had no idea what they were, but they were comforting. Now life took on a whole new meaning. And life was wonderful.

A Major Announcement

2008-09-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Misery Comes To My World

The editor of My World announces an exciting new feature coming exclusively to the My World According to Bob blog site. After lengthy negotiations with an obscure writer My World has agreed to publish in serial form the one and only and most likely ever only novel written by unfamous author Misery Love.

The novel, Misery Loves Company, is a fictional autobiography about a boy growing up and falling in love, and growing up some more and falling in love, and growing up even more and falling in love. The story has been a lifetime in the making. In fact, according to the author, after over 20 years writing the novel, it still doesn't have an ending, a feat he is working on in hopes that one might come to mind by the time the completed portion is published.

Each Saturday, for however long it takes to get to the ending, the novel will appear in serialized form. The editor of My World believes you will find this novel entertaining and rewarding, though it has not yet been determined what rewarding means at this time. You won't be able to wait for each Saturday and the next installment of Misery Loves Company! Look for the first installment tomorrow.

Keep on reading! Tell a friend! And keep on clicking! (On the ads, that is.)

!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

2008-09-05T10:35:00.001-07:00

Japanese Elephants Pass Math Test

An elephant at the Ueno Zoo has proven to be efficient in math. Figure this one out: When presented with two buckets where the elephan t couldn't see inside, drop two apples in each bucket, then add one apple to one bucket and two to the other bucket, then three to one and one to the other, add five apples to the other and two to the one and then pick which bucket has the most apples. The elephant, Ashya, was able to figure it out. I'm still trying to figure it out myself. In fact, Ashya was able to do it four out of five tries, missing only the one where broccolli was used, which is understandable.

But Ashya is not the only Janpanese elephant that can rise to the feat. Mito, a thirety-eight year old elephant from Kyoto was able to pcik the correct bucket four out of five times, again, missing the trial using broccolli. And their are other accounts where other Japanese elephants are proving to be masters of counting.

In the US, keepers claim elephants have not matched the prowessness of their asian counterparts. They prefer to wait for their regular handouts of peanuts rather than count how many stems of broccolli are being put in the bucket.

Startled by this sudden intelligence gap, congress convened in an emergency session during this critical election season to try and avert this potential intelligence crisis. They immediately passed the No Elephant Left Behind act requiring all elephants in American zoos to be taught how to count. The president, bowing to political pressure has already agreed to sign the bill. California, on the other hand has chosen to take additional steps. The California Department of Education ordered all elephants in California zoos be taught algebra before entering the seventh grade.

The Contest

2008-09-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

Contest Rules

As of midnight last night I have had 750 readers on this blog. Now, I still believe that a good majority of them are me because I love to log in a look at what's going on in my world. I can't believe I was able to live life without knowing what was going on before.

As I mentioned earlier, we will have a contest for the one thousandth reader. Several people have asked me how I will know who the one thousandth reader is. Well, I won't know exactly. But I have devised a clever little scheme to come close. Here it is along with the rules:

1. The contest is open to all readers.

2. The grand prize is 2 quarts of Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream.

3. The winner is responsible for all travel to my house to claim the prize, as well as all taxes that may be required by local, state, and federal governments.

4. To win, log in and post on the most recent posting on the blog.

5. The post must be posted on the day the blog reaches 1000 readers. I have a counter connected to my ads that few of you click on that counts the number of times the blog is logged into. This determines the number of readers. In reality, it may reach 1000, but there are probably only two or three of you out there. OK, counting my loyal children and my wife, there are about 8 of you so the odds are pretty good of winning.

6. Log in daily. There will be a count listed of the total readers as of midnight the previous night.

7. My decisions are final.

8. I am the sole judge.

9. If there are any questions that arise I will reslove them once I think about them.

10. Is just here for the sake of having ten rules.

OK. Start logging on and making those posts. Lets see who wins!

The Elventh Post

2008-09-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

More Dance

Last night was the first dance of the new month. That means we started learning a new dance. The dance of the month is the Lindy Hop. At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. I have been losing a lot of motivation lately. Perhaps it is because I have such long waits until all the new things in my life get started. I don't know. I start doing my SEIS training next week. I am excited about that. And then finally my new job starts. But if things go the way they have been, I will go down and do my orientation (that's what I do on Sept 17) and then wait another month go even get my schedule let alone get started. Hey, I'm ready now!!!

I finally dragged myself down to the Odd Fellows Hall (yes, there is no suprise there that that is the place I go to dance). There were a lot of people there to learn the Lindy Hop. It is really quite a simple dance. At least the basic part is. That's about all we learned last night because it took us a while to get the basic down. Simply put it goes like this: three steps to the left, three steps to the right, rock step. Of course if you are a woman, it is just the opposite. Three steps to the right, three steps to the left, rock step. We then learned how to turn to the right, you just move your steps to the right along with your partner, and to the left, you just move your steps to the left until you've completed your turn. We then learned and underarm turn, and a underarm pass through, or something like that. There is no way I can try to explain that in writing. Anyway, it wasn't too difficult. By the end of class we were all swinging away. I only got one black eye from the lady who was swinging her purse at me at the end of class becuase I swung one too many times around on her foot. Grandmama says she will go next week. We will see.

I am still going to the Gym. I think I got a new muscle yesterday. Isn't that what you go to the gym for? To build muscle? Anyway, it is a tiny tiny new one in my qualdrilaterals. You have to look close to see it but it's there. I know it's there because it hurts. It never hurt there before. So does that mean I have quintrilaterals now?

!!!NEWS FLASH!!!

2008-09-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

AVID ICE CREAM EATER DISCOVERS INDISPUTABLE BIG FOOT EVIDENCE

A Fort Worth, Texas man known for his love of Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream has discovered indisputable evidence that Big Foot does exist. Mike Cream says it has been in his backyard all along. He just never realized it. "It wasn't until those guys from Georgia had that news conference about their finding big foot." Mike says eating a huge bowl of Sweet Cream Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream.

Mike took a break from attending the Olympics last month to go to the widely publicized news conference in Palo Alto, CA. It was then he started thinking that he had seen something very familiar right in his own backyard. "I was looking at some plaster molds they had made of his footprint and was thinking, I had seen something that shape. Seen it like everyday. Just that I couldn't remember where I had seen it before." After he flew home from the Olympics and headed out back for a swim it dawned on him. The footprint. It was his swimming pool! "It's the perfect shape." Mike explains. He points out the features as he talks. "Here's the heel." And then he points at the middle point of the pool. "And the arch." And in fact it does look like a huge foot print. "You just can't see the toes because they would be on the other side of the fence over there."

Mike confirmed his suspicions when he contacted the builder of the pool. The builder claims that he doesn't remember much about building the pool 30 years ago. Mike claims it's because there wasn't much to remember. "All they did was line the footprint with cement." Mike claims. "The perfect cover up."

If Mike's claims are true, then Big Foot would have been gigantic. Mike's pool/footprint measures just under 20 feet long which famed Disney Anthropologist Albert Falls, whom Schweitzer Falls on the World Famous Jungle Cruise were named after says, "puts it at around 180 feet tall. Mike says that if you get a Google satellite picture of the area and see all the pools you can actually see the path this ancient Big Foot actually walked. "My pool isn't the only one around here." says Mike.

Asked what his plans were for his new found discovery, Mike says, "Ah, I'm just going to have a pool party this weekend and serve lots of Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream Sweet Cream. "Maybe I'll have everyone dress up as Big Foot or something." It might be easier to spot the real Big Foot this weekend since the owner of the costume shop that sold the fake Big Foot costume to the imposters has a six week waiting list.

The Tenth Post

2008-09-02T15:37:00.000-07:00

Electrifying!

I know everyone is waiting with baited breath for the next post. You just can't wait to see what is happening in my world. Well, I am sorry to say that this blog follows real life and there are times when there just isn't anything to write about. Couple that with a three day holiday (see, I really shouldn't have written, it was a holiday), and writer's block, and you get dead space, like between my ears. But I am giving in: Even thought there is still nothing to write about, and have a serious bout of writer's block, I am going to attempt to write something here.

For starters, we just got through the labor day holiday. We were thinking about going places, but that's about all we did, was think about it. So in reality, all we did was stay at home and labor. I guess labor is debatable. There are members of this household that don't believe that we labored enough over labor day. We have several projects going. We have a bathroom that we are trying to tear out and is in an eternal state of demolition. There is a desk that has gathered clutter for over four years now that we have decided to take out, but needs to have the junk dealt with. And then there are our electrical sockets. When we moved in we discovered that many of them were very loose. They were so loose that they have a hard time holding in a plug. Why this wasn't discovered during our inspection where we paid some guy to come in and discover these things, I don't know. And then why I didn't take care of it under the warranty, well, there are several theories running around about that, most of which would require some type of therapy on my part to fix.

So this morning when Grandmama was blow drying her hair in the dining room (she has been doing it there for the past three years because the bathroom socket is one of those that doesn't work so well), she got exasperated and pleaded in a desperate voice, "I wish you would fix the socket so I could at least blow dry my hair in the bathroom." I immediately thought, "what a novel idea!! Maybe I could eat my Wheaties without getting hair in them anymore." So when grandmama went to work so did I. I immediately went out and got me the 39 cent plug in sockets, went home and went to work. And let me tell you, it was work!

The first thing I did when I got home was turn off all the breakers in the box that said bedroom. Then I discovered I needed light so went back and forth from the breaker box to the bathroom until I found the breaker that controlled the lights. I left the other breakers on because I figured there was no need to turn off the whole house when I was just working back in the far bathroom.

There was no problem taking the old socket out. The wiring was so old it just snapped off once I got the socket unscrewed. But now I had to strip wires. So, carefully, even though I had the electricity off, I took the wires one by one, handling them very delicately so I wouldn't get shocked, and stripped the wires. That wasn't very hard either. Then I had to attach the wires to the new socket. That proved very difficult. The wires in the wall were very short so I was pulling on them, yanking them, wrestling with them trying to wrap them around the posts and shove ends into little holes. By the end I wasn't cautious anymore. I had the power off and knew I was touching every wire lead there was. I wasn't getting shocked, so it wasn't long till I was barehanding the wires to get them where they belonged. After about a half hour struggle, I finally got everything attached and the socket screwed back into the wall. I went out and flipped all the circuit breakers on and went in and tested the socket with the blow dryer. The plug went in nice and snug, but when I turned the blow dryer on, nothing. It didn't work. "Oh well," I thought. "This is why I don't like doing handy man things around the house. I am anything but handy." I quickly picked up and hid all the evidence that I had done anything, except for the fact that the socket is beige and the wall is white. (I missed that when I was buying the sockets. There were two choices. When I was buying them I was wondering why they had two seperate displays of sockets that looked identical to me. And of course, for me, when given a 50/50 choice, I will always choose wrong. In fact, as choices increase, my chance at making the right choice always remains constant. I will always choose wrong. (Bob's Rule #51)).

After lunch, I decided to hit the desk again and work on shredding the old bills that clutter it. I pulled out the shredder and turned it on. Nothing. Now the shredder is plugged into another outlet across from the one I was working on this morning. I thought that was strange, because I had reset all the circuit breakers. But I went out to check again. When I looked again, I saw a breaker with a reset button. It was on the other side of the breakers marked bedroom. I thought I would give it a try. I pushed the reset button, reset the breaker, went in and tried the shredder again. It worked. Then I went over to the outlet where I was working. I plugged the dryer back into it and...it worked! But then, that means, I didn't have the electricity off where I thought it was off? Oh oh.

I only have about a dozen more sockets to replace.

At the end of one month we have had 730 readers. Or at least impressions on the blog site. Try to figure out the day we will have 1000. Post a comment on the most current post to be eligible for the grand prize...2 quarts of Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream at my house. Winner is responsible for travel. I am thinking about making the grand prize available at Disneyland, again, winner is responsible for travel. Of course the ice cream is worth it! Don't believe me? Come try it!

Editor's Note #2

2008-08-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

A Slight Name Adjustment

You might have noticed that after a month on the web that the name of the blog has been changed. After much thought, consumer polling, focus groups, therapy, and other considerations the name has been changed to My World According to Bob. This new name change focuses more on the intent of the blog. A commentary on my world according to me with my slant on everyday occurrences and current events. It also gives normal sane people and idea of what it's like to be abnormal and insane. It just might make you a little more patient around people that aren't quite like you.

The name change also indicates a coming of age, one month old now, where I have learned more about this blogging experience and am embarking on more original ideas and concepts. I appreciate the inspiration of the original name My World and Welcome To It, but as it was borrowed from James Thurber, I felt it was time to find a name that better reflected me and not James.

You will still receive all the great articles as you have in the first month, and watch out for more articles in the future. As we close in on our first month we have had 666 page impressions. Impressive, even if 555 impressions are me. But we're getting there. Perhaps I should have a contest. Two free quarts of Bob's Own Gourmet Ice Cream to the one thousandth reader. Yea, that sounds like an idea. But you'll have to come here to eat it, or pay for the shipping which would probably be about $199. Just keep logging in and clicking on those ads! Support the site, and come visit me at Disneyland!

New in September

2008-08-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Ice Cream Flavor of the Month

A new feature. We will be experimenting with a new ice cream flavor of the month. Each month we will make a new flavor of ice cream and print the recipe for you to try as well. Got any suggestions? Send them in. You can send you ice cream ideas to: greaticecreamflavors@boboston.com. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have me choose your suggestion and print your name on the recipe. But only if you're lucky. And watch out for those anonymous recipes!

Don't forget...If you don't want to make your own, you can order your ice cream from Bob's Own Ice Cream! Information on the side panel.

The Ninth Post

2008-08-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Insanity

Alright. I got a lot of comments from actual readers that say they are actually reading the posts. I know there are readers. But lets face it, you are in the minority. On Thursday, August 17, I had 87 visitors in one day. I thought that was a lot. But then I started thinking. I did a lot of work on my blog that day. This thing is counting every time I log in to check on it. That means I am in the majority of the readers of this blog. And since it is intended for general readership, yes, I do appreciate my family willing to log in a read once in a while. But you've got to. It's part of being part of the family! So keep logging in and enjoy it. But tell your friends and tell them to check out the ads. If I don't make any money soon, I'm going to have to sub some more. Think about all those poor kids that will have to deal with me as their teachers. They will have to go home and have therapy!

By the way, yesterday, after I posted, there were 27 log ins. I only logged in twice, so I guess I did create a stir. Way to go. Keep reading. More interesting features are coming up as soon as I get paid and can start getting around to find things to write about.

I cleaned the robot in the swimming pool. By the way it is finally starting to look nice now that swimming season is about over. Apparently I cleaned the robot on top of a new ant hill because I am covered with ants. It ITCHES!!! Got to go. Remember...Keep reading!

The Eighth Post

2008-08-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

Thought Processes

Alright, it has been a while since my last real post. But my life has been kinda dull lately. On top of that, I discovered that I am the only one that is reading my blog and making comments on it. Freaky, huh. Yes, a majority of those anonymous posts are mine. I am talking to myself again. You know what that means: Therapy.

I kind of let the cat out of the bag at dance. I was dancing with one of the partners that I enjoy dancing with and we were talking about why we go to dance. Some of the people go there for the exercise, some for something to do. Some go because they are just wanting a reason to get out of th house, others for the social aspect and to get to meet someone new. "Not me," I told her. "Therapy." I said. "I go for therapy." Now I didn't say I go for the therapy. I just go for therapy. OK, so I wonder why I am always the last one chosen for dance. I started figuring that out when Sharon didn't dance with me anymore that night and preferred to dance without a partner every time it was her turn to dance with me.

So I am believing that thought processes are not always logical. For instance: I just don't seem to get along with people individually or in groups. Yet, my favorite place to go is loaded with them? But it can't be too ironic. Michael Eisner, former CEO of Disney said: nothing about Disney makes sense. I mean, we have Donald Duck, a duck who doesn't wear pants when he is out in public, yet puts a towel around his waist when he gets out of the shower. Yea, so at least I wear pants in public. And I don't put a towel around my waist when I get out of the shower either. OK, so that's too much information. You'll need to go to therapy, too. Oh, but you are me, and you, or me will just need more therapy. My therapist will love it. My therapist always likes it when I send new business.

I am still biding my time to find out if I really will get to be a steam locomotive engineer at Disneyland. I know I have a job and it starts September 17. They told me I will be assigned to Adventureland/Frontierland so I can train on the trains. But they can't guarantee anything. They could move me if the need dictates it. So I've been thinking about what else they could have me doing. I could be a skipper on the World Famous Jungle Cruise! I think I would like that. Cruising around telling jokes to people that don't think I am very funny. Going around in circles pointing out imaginary scenes to people who really don't care. The only reason they are on the boat is because its on water and cooler, and they needed a place to sit down and rest. It would be like getting paid to do what I do every day. The polite people snicker between their teeth every now and then. But their eyes roll. At least on the Jungle Cruise their eyes would be rolling with the boat. So there's some other jobs as well. There would be host at the Tiki Room where I could take a big stick and wake up Jose to start the show. But they wouldn't dare trust me with a big stick, would they? Not around people, at least. There would be the Indiana Jones attraction. That would be a good possiblity since I bear such a striking resemlance to the archilogist, himself. Tarzan's treehouse? "Stay to your right and keep moving." I would be asleep in no time. Big Thunder Mountain? No, they've already had their share of tragedy. The Mark Twain Riverboat! Yea, it runs on steam and has a whistle. It runs on a track as well! Hey, it's a steam train in water!!!!

I worked for the first time this school year yesterday. I had ten kindergarteners that needed therapy. After lunch one of them decided it was time to leave so he took the aides out (And I'm not talking outside, or to lunch, or just out. I mean he literally took them out, like out of commission, you, the military meaning), and then the principal. I wasn't allowed to participate because I was a sub. I kept the others busy on the other side of the room as furniture was flying all over the room. It was kind of like a duck and cover drill. It eventually came to an end. He fell a sleep and looked so innocent. No-one would ever guess the havoc he caused. Here I am, now, waiting for my next exciting assignment!

I think that will go now. My alarm is ringing. It must be time for my next therapy session. Talk to you later!

Postcards From My Cell Phone San Francisco Zoo

2008-08-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

San Francisco Zoo

San Francisco, California

Kaitie Lou Who and I took a trip to the San Francisco Bay Area last September to get away from the smoke from all the fires. While we were there I thought we might go check out the SF Zoo. I remember the zoo from when I was a kid. There's not much left there from when I was a kid. There is no more elephant train, they don't even have elephants, and Monkey Island is no more. The Lion House made headlines shortly after our visit when a tiger escaped and killed one kid and mauled a couple others. Makes a visit to the zoo more exciting in my opinion! I'm sure they had it coming to them. There's still a lot of good stuff at the zoo. New enclosures, apes, the historic 1921 Dentzel carousel with its intricately, hand carved wooden horses has been renovated, and most importantly, the historic miniature Little Puffer steam locomotive and railroad has been restored and relaid in a new location. Here we have a couple alpacas at the petting zoo. Alpacas have been of interst to us lately since Grandmama has taken up knitting and spinning. The children's zoo is also a far stretch from what it used to be. Today it is a barn in a farm setting where kids can come and pet farm animals. When I was a kid it had baby zebras and elephants that kids could pet. I can remember when I was a kid I got butted in the head by a unicorn. They don't even have unicorns anywhere anymore. It's just not the same today is it? Being a kid just doesn't seem fun anymore.

Anyway, having fun. Wish you were here,
Bob

Olympic Update #9

2008-08-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

EXCLUSIVE OLYMPIC UPDATE

Olympic Roundup

Today is the final day of Olympic competition. Of course due to differences in time zones, the by the time you read this the Olympics will be over, but here in the US, we still are waiting for the results and closing ceremonies. If an Olympic observer had it in mind they could watch the closing ceremonies and fly home and watch them again in the comfort of their own living room. So, while you are waiting for the results, we will bring you the results that will never be reported no matter how long you wait.

Poor Sports Medals

There have been several incidents of Olympic athletes not acting in the proper spirit. "My World" has uncovered the secret medal ceremonies that rewarded these athletes for their heroic efforts.

Gold: The gold medal went to Angel Valodia Matos from Cuba. Matos won his gold medal for kicking a Swedish judge after he was disqualified from his bronze medal Tae Kwondo final. The judge disqualified Matos when he exceeded the one minute time limit injury time limit. Matos had been leading his match when he went down with a foot injury. Once Matos was disqualified, he reacted wildly kicking the referee in the face proving there was nothing wrong with his foot in the first place. Mike Cream of Fort Worth, Texas who was watching the match with his trademark cup of Bob's Own Ice Cream said, "It was the wildest thing I ever'd saw. This wadn't your ordinry match. I never saw no-one ever go after the ref before."

Silver: The silver medal goes to Ara Abrahamian, the Armenian born Swedish Greco-Roman wrestler who walked away from the awards ceremony and dropped his medal in the middle of the mat. Abrahamian was protesting a late penalty call that eventually disqualified him from the match awarding the wrestling gold medal to his Italian opponent. Abrahamian was upset that his appeals went unanswered contrary to the rules of the wrestling federation and the IOC. Abrahamian declared he didn't want silver, he came for gold. Abrahamian was later stripped of his silver by the IOC claiming his action was not in the spirit of the Olympics. But Abrahamian won the silver in the poor sport contest as well being edged out by Matos in Tae Kwondoe when he kicked the referee. But not to worry. After the poor sport awards ceremony, officials stripped him of this award as well after learning an appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport had sided with him and announced he had a right to be angry with the outcome. They decided that the wrestling federation and the IOC did not follow their own rules when it came to following the appeals process. He should have kicked the referee and he would have at least tied for the gold.

Bronze: Goes to Usain Bolt. Bolt was chided by IOC President Jaques Rogge for celebrating his wins before he crossed the finish line to the delight of the entire stadium and worldwide television audience. Rogge said, "That is not how we perceive being a champion...I beleive he should show more respect for his competitors and shake hands, give a tap on the shoulder to the other ones immediately after the finish and not make gestures like the one he made." The gesture, pictured here, has been widely copied by fans around the world. Perhaps Bolt needs to get into the Olympic spirit and change into a formal suit and hold his hat over his heart with a stolid face as he mourns their passings. (He has plenty of time to do that.) That would probably be more in the spirit of the Olympics. It alos goes to show that the IOC does not necessarily percieve an Olympian champion as the rest of the world does further showing how far out of touch the IOC is with the rest of the world.